The day I surrender to the damned Frenchies will be the day jennifer becomes a stay at home Mom! Bah! French guns are likely to rain fire on their own ships! Let's call in Suspeckted's ship for reinforcement and blow these blasted Frenchies outta the water (but let's steal they're rum first...me liver's cryin' out for a refill!)

AYe, be alright wit me. I just ope the rest of the crew does not partake too much of the rum, and decide these 'wimmin' are a sight for sore eyes. They be mighty surprised upon waking!

I fight much better when I'm drunk, doc. I feel no pain! But I do 'ope the men stay away from the women on these ships, or we just may 'ave to put 'em under quarantine. I wouldn't wish that nasty stuff we got offa them French whores we 'ad awhile back onto ANYONE!

The day I surrender to the damned Frenchies will be the day jennifer becomes a stay at home Mom! Bah! French guns are likely to rain fire on their own ships! Let's call in Suspeckted's ship for reinforcement and blow these blasted Frenchies outta the water But I do 'ope the men stay away from the women on these ships, or we just may 'ave to put 'em under quarantine. I wouldn't wish that nasty stuff we got offa them French whores we 'ad awhile back onto ANYONE!

Now, now Gid....we be international pirates frum all corners o' the globe, and we'll not be 'avin' any o' that national insultin an' the likes. In fact, we 'aves a French wench aboard the Twisted Sister who be a fine example of a woman.....trouble is, wiv me missus aboard now, I not be allowed ta sample 'er wiles n' fancies. Might 'ave ta drop 'er orf at the next port o' call....the missus 'as bin on at me fer years to 'oliday in Acapulco.

Now that I've chastised ye about that 'Frenchie discriminatin' stuff, let's get down ta the business of seafarin' an' give that Froggy vessel a true pirates lambastin afore us loots its booty n' steals their wenches. I knows some of me crew be a scurvy bunch, but I'll wager me peg leg them French lassies'll be a lot 'appier over 'ere on our ol' baaark....at least us 'aves a bath! Orright then, who be volunteerin' ta wash their backs?

A strong word o' warnin' DON'T be givin' Garter any baked beans....that be an ORDER!!!! The cook accidentally give 'im some and there were an island orf our Port Bow that no longer be there.....lucky fer us he were facin' it out ta sea, otherwise we'd be missin' a Starboard Bow.

Sounds like fun. I knew you women couldn't resist zee charms of Frenchmen. You are too fine a lady to be on a ship with these filthy, unwashed scalawags. Join us and you'll have all zee fine clothes and jewels you could ever want.

Silence ye french dog! *slaps Icono silly* heheheh

Capt'n Starkers ye be havin me in stitches with ye talkin! It urts to laugh so!

We be hirin a new cook a woman named Ghengis Hank, she fight like lion and cook like a uh ..... uh ... she cook jus fine! *looks embarrassed*

From what I 'ears, seems them transvestite fellers Lil Whip brought aboard'll be right at 'ome at this 'ere Mardi Grar do.

I missed this one Capt'n transvestites? Aye will be more of a laff party lads! Tis okay wid me ta go ashore for the party.

AYe, be alright wit me. I just ope the rest of the crew does not partake too much of the rum, and decide these 'wimmin' are a sight for sore eyes. They be mighty surprised upon waking!

Aye first mate Guy they be very surprised hehehe

The day I surrender to the damned Frenchies will be the day jennifer becomes a stay at home Mom!

*slaps bosun Gig about ta head fer even suggestin such a thing!*  

Now, now Gid....we be international pirates frum all corners o' the globe, and we'll not be 'avin' any o' that national insultin an' the likes. In fact, we 'aves a French wench aboard the Twisted Sister who be a fine example of a woman.....trouble is, wiv me missus aboard now, I not be allowed ta sample 'er wiles n' fancies. Might 'ave ta drop 'er orf at the next port o' call....the missus 'as bin on at me fer years to 'oliday in Acapulco.

Aye, that we be, but we already have our quota of the French. That be me! As French as they come and proud of it - sometimes! As long as I can still be a pirate!

*slaps bosun Gig about ta head fer even suggestin such a thing!*

Ah, be kind to him. He is yet a young un.  

I be seein the Frenchie Icono be silent now he be seein ta whole fleet then. He be seein hows we outgunned im wi our cannons and mighty crew of men and women!

I've no eard a peep outa him since Pecka ta Parrot had a go at im!
hummmphhhh!  

Ere Icono, what say ye then?

Ere Icono, what say ye then?

My mouth was full of parrot. Very tasty. Release me now or zee mongrel will be next.

Capt'n Starkers ye be havin me in stitches with ye talkin! It urts to laugh so!

That be the 'ole idear.....ta be 'avin' fun an' a good larf. I be glad too that ye turned down that Froggies invite ta join 'is band o' escargot eaters...with 'is promise of fine clothin' n' jewels. Truth is, he'd 'ave 'ad ye eatin' frogs legs and escargot before ye knew it.....escargot my arse, they be snails.

And another thing, frogs is found on lily pads and in ponds.....so this motley crew of Froggie wannnabes 'as no business bein' on the 'igh seas pretendin' ta be buccaneers, do 'em? In that case, us'll scour the seas an' drive 'em back inland to truffle huntin'

BTW Mistress Jennifer, ye be a stay at home mom. 'Ome be where the 'eart be, and your 'eart be with us 'ere on the 'igh seas....and some o' the crew looks up to ye as a mother figgur fer yer carin' but strong leadership quaaalities, so it not be such an insult aaaafter all.

Aye, that we be, but we already have our quota of the French. That be me! As French as they come and proud of it - sometimes! As long as I can still be a pirate!

Ye can be proud of yer Froggie 'eritage as much as ye likes, Dr Guy. I've never seed 'e eatin' snails or frogs legs....and when us 'as bin ashore, I've never seed yer nose in the dirt sniffin' fer truffles, so ye be a fine and I be proud to call ye a pirate.

My mouth is full of parrot.

'Ere, ye had best not be tryin' ta bite 'is 'ead orf! Us throwed that Alice Cooper feller over the Starboard side and marooned 'im on one of 'is gold records fer bitin' the 'eads orf chickens. Besides, Pecky be there ta teach ye some proper seafarin' manners, and if ye not be willin' ta take yer discipline like a man, I'll 'ave me good wife 'ave Pecky seize upon yer particulars (pink jelly bean) ta git yer proper attention

Oh, and I got meself inta trouble wiv me missus. I were in the bathroom 'elpin' one o' them French wenches take a bath when me missus came in and asked what I were doin'. I tells her that I be fixin the plughole from leakin', but she says I weren't goin' ta fix any plughole leak wiv me 'ands all over 'er chest, so I gits a clout upside me poor ol' head. S'pose I can count meself very fortunate her didn't set Pecky about me particulars.

Oh, and I got meself inta trouble wiv me missus. I were in the bathroom 'elpin' one o' them French wenches take a bath when me missus came in and asked what I were doin'. I tells her that I be fixin the plughole from leakin', but she says I weren't goin' ta fix any plughole leak wiv me 'ands all over 'er chest, so I gits a clout upside me poor ol' head. S'pose I can count meself very fortunate her didn't set Pecky about me particulars.

oohh aargghh ye best be more careful then, afore long ta missus be tying you over a barrel and bringin out tha thar thingymajiggy she uses to flush ye bottom out! bein as she be thinkin ye be full o crap now!

*sees a fine picture o capt Starkers tied to over ta barrel!* hheehawwwwwwww!

dang capt'n I be feelin right pukey now! *looks green in the face from too much imagination*

My mouth was full of parrot. Very tasty. Release me now or zee mongrel will be next.

ye as no chance, tha' thar' little pooch be more vicious than a tigress in 'eat!

ye frenchie bucket be full o 'oles now! It be on tow behind us, we be takin' it ta port ta make repairs, an' capt Starkers 'ere be findin ta new crew fer 'er.

Ye crew be in ta 'old, they be bound and gagged! Tonight we be avin fun wi' 'em, Capt'n Starkers be makin' 'em walk ta plank! feedin ta fishes is what we be doin tonight! gaaahummpphhh

Now be unhandin' Pecky Parrot un'armed ye scoundrel! Else I be slicin ye up an feedin ye to ta pooch!

Now be unhandin' Pecky Parrot un'armed ye scoundrel!

You misunderstand. There's only one way you can get him back. It'll take several hours, and it won't be pretty.

It'll take several hours, and it won't be pretty.

My cutlass not be a surgeon's scalpel.

You misunderstand. There's only one way you can get him back. It'll take several hours, and it won't be pretty.

      

ye be a wicked an evil man. Tis not anythin that make me cry! But 'urtin an animal?

ye evil evil orrible man! Capt'n Starker and is missus be cuttin ye up into piece now!  

oooooh i know what we can do! we can page back an erase this ere evil man!

gwammphhhhh

oooooh i know what we can do! we can page back an erase this ere evil man!

I don't know how I got aboard, anyway.

oohh aargghh ye best be more careful then, afore long ta missus be tying you over a barrel and bringin out tha thar thingymajiggy she uses to flush ye bottom out! bein as she be thinkin ye be full o crap now!

Arrrrghhh!!! With a bit o' quick thinkin' I extricated meself from that one....I not be cap'n fer nuthin' ye knows. I tells me missus that the crew weren't makin' them French lassies feel too welcome, and as cap'n I 'ad ta set 'em a better example by showin' em there be no difference to them French wenches and them others they so 'appily 'ops in the bath wiv.

Her swallered that one 'ook line n' sinker, so the bathroom no longer be orf limits to me. Still, I knows 'ow ta behave meself like a gentleman and it'll be just like winder shoppin' I sees no 'arm in gettin' an appertite while I be out....so long as I eats at 'ome

dang capt'n I be feelin right pukey now! *looks green in the face from too much imagination*

You n' me both!! I 'ad a couple o' wenches in an 'orspital do that 'ose thing to me once...I swears never ever agin. It were worse than when Black 'eart Dan shot me arse full o' lead

My mouth was full of parrot. Very tasty. Release me now or zee mongrel will be next.

Now that be yer first mistake....Pecky'll be eatin' ye away frum the insides if ye don't let 'im out now....and I'll tell ye now, that'll be an 'orrible way ta go.

And if ye 'arms a single 'air o' that sweet pooches 'ead, (he be our ship's mascot) I'll maroon ye on a blood soaked cork and leave ye fer the sharks. Oh, and bosun, ye'll 'ave ta toss in some o' them undegestion tablets fer 'em as well....I hears them Froggies upsets sharks stumacks some. (must be the garlic n' snails)

I don't know how I got aboard, anyway.

And ye won't know 'ow ye got orf either....us'll blindfold 'e first

****now back ta the bathroom...I 'ears there be a fullsome French wench in there with 'er toe stuck in the plug'ole. That be me excuse an' I be stickin' to it. ****

I don't know how I got aboard, anyway.

Aye, ye be Shanghaied be my guess. What be the last thing ye remember afore waking up on board? If it was some lovely lady feeding you grog, I think Mistress Jenny might have some splaining to do.

I think Mistress Jenny might have some splaining to do.

Ye scurvey dog ye, givin away me secrets!

I think Mistress Jenny might have some splaining to do.

Nope, that not be it! Mistress Jennifer 'ad nought ta do wiv 'im bein' board!

It were somethin' like 'ow curiosity killed the cat.....he couldn't mind 'is own bisniss and 'ad ter come over 'ere ta see if there were more debauchery going on 'ere than over on 'is own bucket.

Now if 'e had bin able ta mind 'is own bisniss, 'e wouldn've 'ad Pecky peckin' at 'is particulars...or me missus lashin' 'is arse wiv the cat 'o ten when he wouldn' cough 'im up. Cat o' ten I 'ears ye ask....be the same as a cat o' nine, just 'urts more. (I thinks her got it frum Spinal Tap...'ow 11 be louder than 10 )

He would've bin better orf stayin' on 'is own vessel, though us probably woulda took it over any'ow. And it also settles that myth 'bout them Froggies bein' the best lovers...since them French wenches came aboard, they've 'ad real smiles on their faces and be sayin' our blokes are true gentlemen, that now they spits on them Frog dogs.

I knows we 'as plenty o' cabin games goin' on, but ye all needs ta git more fresh air, and if the weather be kind to us, I'd like ta see more deck games bein' played as well ....wench basketball sounds good, maybe even a bit o' mud wrestlin' is us can git some dirt next time we is ashore.

***now back ta the bathroom....think that be where I left the Cap'ns Log ****

wench basketball sounds good

Capt'n me opes ye be not thinkin o tossin ta wimmen 'bout! They be lashin back an' bouncin jellybeans over ta deck! Tha' be a sight 'n all!

Trainee capt'n Guy me thinks Icono has slunk off ta ship wi is tail between is legs?

And it also settles that myth 'bout them Froggies bein' the best lovers...since them French wenches came aboard, they've 'ad real smiles on their faces and be sayin' our blokes are true gentlemen, that now they spits on them Frog dogs.

Gentlemen? OUr men be getting soft then! Best to set sail before they start suppin tea with raised pinkie!

And if the frogs be neither fighters nor lovers, what good be they cept mayhaps shark bait?

Trainee capt'n Guy me thinks Icono has slunk off ta ship wi is tail between is legs?

If what Capt'n Starkers say be true, I doubt we see his face in these parts again.

Capt'n me opes ye be not thinkin o tossin ta wimmen 'bout! They be lashin back an' bouncin jellybeans over ta deck! Tha' be a sight 'n all!

Nah, not I....tossin wimmin about be what them Froggies do, 'an why them French wenches is 'appier over 'ere. What I likes ta see be a bit o' friendly sport....and to me, wench basketball be like poetry in motion.

Gentlemen? OUr men be getting soft then! Best to set sail before they start suppin tea with raised pinkie!

Now I didn't say 'em was angels...just more considerate o' the wenches than them Froggies. While them Froggies is down there kissin' n' lickin' their toes, our blokes be up there where it counts...talkin' to 'em like they'm real wimmin.

And if the frogs be neither fighters nor lovers, what good be they cept mayhaps shark bait?

That be true First Mate Guy, but we 'ad better garnish 'em wiv plenty o' antacid ta keep them animal welfare lot off our backs fer feedin' them poor sharks food that'll make 'em ill.

Now Mistress Jennifer, be ye one fer wench basketball or sumthin' more sedate like shuffleboard? If it be the latter, an ice hockey goalie give me 'is protective get up...just in case ye gets carried away.

That be true First Mate Guy, but we 'ad better garnish 'em wiv plenty o' antacid ta keep them animal welfare lot off our backs fer feedin' them poor sharks food that'll make 'em ill.

Aye, them Peta people be a cranky lot! Like to had me 'ead for steppin on a cock roach. Just because his name be Marcel......