Ye be hiding a lady? mayhaps we have a mutiny on our hands! The crew be very rowdy, and wants to escape Ernesto fore it takes the ship down!

I not be hidin' a lady in me cabin....more like she be hidin' me! I'd luv ter get on deck more and I told 'er I'd send a cabin boy tend to 'er needs while I be tendin' ta ship business. She said that be alright.....so long as he not be that randy one us keel'auled. And 'er also said if he come in 'n tries anyfing, she'll give 'im a right 'ook and 'ave the parrot peck away at 'is particulars.

hand off her to another,

I don't be thinkin' so! She be too good a mate fer that....and her'll be a great companion fer Mistress Jennifer as she can wield a cat o' nine wiv the best of 'em and she'll take no nonsense from an unruly crew or cabin boys.

Owever, let's get this 'ere bucket under way, so man yer stations me buckos...that Startdock destination still be some way orf and we wants ta git there fer the party.

We got no trees aboard this 'ere vessel.... Not even a palm tree?

Nope, not even one 'o those....that there Jack Lemmon feller (Caine Mutiny) throwed it overboard, but Bosun Gid 'as some bushes down in the 'old I hears, if ye wants ta get back ter nature 'n relax.

I think she's a mermaid.

'Ere, I 'opes you not be suggestin' she smells a bit fishy! If she do, 'owever, that'll be her efforts ta catch somethin' ta git the cook ta do more than grilled cheese on toast. The crew be needin' better sustenance than that if we be ransackin' cruise ships fer booty. She be a good woman that Mistress Jennifer...and if I 'ears a bad word about 'er from any of 'e, I'll get me good lady wife ta sic our ferocious parrot onto yer particulars.

Aye Capt'n Starkers - welcome back!

Oh aaaarrrrghh! I thanks ye frum the bottom of me scoundrel 'eart. I 'ave missed ye all and it be good to be back among ye wonderful people. As fer that cook only servin' up grilled cheese, if he do that again I wants ye ta lash 'im wiv nine o' the best and point me cutlass at 'is scurvy 'eart 'til he walks orf the plank.

First mate Guy be ye makin capt'n now and be takin a ship on under yer control?

First Mate Guy weren't born in pirate country and don't 'ave the pirate blood in 'im like yer good 'ol cap'n....but he be learnin' some good pirate qualities and be an excellent stand in fer when I be indisposed. And if 'n when I'm not on deck, First Mate Guy 'aves me full permission to order 'angings from the yardarm. keel'aulins and lashin's wiv the cat o' nine fer mutineers 'n unruly swabs.

On a more serious note, my good lady wife has been rather unwell and is in need of as much of my TLC as I can give her. To make matters worse, she also has a broken hand and thus requires me to attend to matters she is currently unable to manage.

Obviously Mrs starkers has become my priority for the time being, but things are constantly on the improve and we'll inevitably rise above it all to progress beyond our recent woes.....

We have a 16 yo girl who still thinks she's an adult and engaging in adult behaviour she's not supposed to - a Dep't of Families condoning it all and disallowing our support, guidance and intervention. However, despite the incredible duress this has caused us, particularly for my wife, we have adopted the premise of a very wise old prayer: "God grant me the wisdom to accept those things I cannot change, but give me the strength to change those I can." In that way we're not stagnating but moving forward so we have the strength and ability to assist when she eventually realises the error of her ways and seeks our support.

The door is always open, and the welcome mat is still there.....knowing she has the propensity to step in things for not looking where she's going, she just had better wipe her feet first.

Obviously Mrs starkers has become my priority for the time being, but things are constantly on the improve and we'll inevitably rise above it all to progress beyond our recent woes.....

So she should be and so you will progress beyond the woes. *holds the light up high at the end of the tunnel for you to see!* Seriously though, things will come right again, they always do.

I am sorry to hear about the ill helath of the missus, I hope she gets well soon. Tell her not to try to do too much too soon! *sending her healing*

As for your daughter - God Bless her. I will include her in my prayers, that she receive guidance and light. Children can be such big cause of heartache, all we can do is love them and hope.

The door is always open, and the welcome mat is still there.....knowing she has the propensity to step in things for not looking where she's going, she just had better wipe her feet first.

glad to see you still keep good humor despite your current problems.

First Mate Guy weren't born in pirate country and don't 'ave the pirate blood in 'im like yer good 'ol cap'n....but

Aye, but I do. I have the blood of Jean la Fitte coursing through my veins!

#347 by jennifer1 Sun, August 27, 2006 08:59 AM

Ditto on What Jen said. We will keep the boat sailing for you.

Isn't there an old sailor's belief that it's unlucky to have a woman aboard ship?

Isn't there an old sailor's belief that it's unlucky to have a woman aboard ship?

If ye be dissing Mistress Jenny, I not be protecting ye from her lash! You tell her that, I not be that foolish!

Thank ye Mistress Jennifer fer yer kind words, they be much appreciated by both myself and good lady wife. We sure 'ave 'ad an 'ard time with the lass takin' off from home to be all growed up when we still 'aven't disposed of 'er baby things, but we've come ta terms with it now and we'll wait patiently fer it all ta come good again....and it will because we have faith the good in our lass will prevail.

glad to see you still keep good humor despite your current problems.

What else can I do...cryin' over it'll just make me keyboard soggy 'n probably not work, so I keeps me chin up...besides, givin' me missus a giggle or three helps fer her to face the day with a smile. And if I sees her with a long face, I has plenty o' lunatic antics ta be ticklin' her funny bone. Like she says, if I weren't mad ta begin with, we'd be up manure creek in a barbed wire canoe with a crowbar fer a paddle.

Isn't there an old sailor's belief that it's unlucky to have a woman aboard ship?

Not on our good ship there's not....we 'aves plenty o' wenches aboard and we've not struck bad luck or sunk yet. And Mistress Jennifer always be an exception ta that rule. She be the backbone of this 'ere crew and a fine officer who be keepin' ye more difficult swabs behavin' better with her cat o' nine. We might be pirates maraudin' the 'igh seas but we not be entirely uncivilized thanks ta Mistress Jennifer handin' out a few well deserved lashes fer them debauched blaggards who need learnin' a few manners.

Aye, but I do. I have the blood of Jean la Fitte coursing through my veins!

In that case, then, we'll 'ave ta 'ighjack ye a sister ship to be sailin' 'long side us.....and knowin' yer wikkid antics be admirably comparable to ours, p'raps ye could call 'er "Just As Twisted." or "The Boozin' Buccaneer" ....maybe even "The Rum Raider.,"

Isn't there an old sailor's belief that it's unlucky to have a woman aboard ship?

Aaarggggh me thinks this icono person be holdin a big wooden spoon an stirrin the pot of me anger! Me thinks me cutlass be avin some fun soon! aaarrgggghhhh!

Tis me honor be at stake ere? spht! Woman be endangerin this ere ship! I be the lucky charm on this ere bucket!

Me believes this ere Icono be wanting me to do these things to im (or is er?), be it that icono ave a penchant for pain?

Aye Lads get out the rum, call ye whores in from LWs barge, we be avin a "pain dishin" party.

*ties icono to the main mast whilst brandishin an ugly grin on er face*

hhahaauuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmffghhhhhhhhhhhaRRRRRRRRRRR!

Ye'll not be spoilin the fun on this ere bucket capt'nd by the good captain Starkers, will he first mate Guy? Tis the center of the party he be now! yyyaaarghhhh!

Ye ave the choice icono - ye join us now or ye die by me cutlass ..............aye so slowly, piece by piece will be fed to the fishes and the pooch Rushka!

arf arf! Rushka's getting excited!

Holy shit!

354 comments on this? Wow...I should say something stupid once in awhile...well, in an article.

~Zoo

354 comments on this? Wow...I should say something stupid once in awhile...well, in an article

Nah, we've come to EXPECT it from you, zoo...(ducking)

Tis me honor be at stake ere? spht! Woman be endangerin this ere ship! I be the lucky charm on this ere bucket!

(wakes from drunken sleep) Someone be runnin' down our wommin? I'm right behind ya with me cutlass, jennifer, I...oooohh (falling down)... I'll be right there as soon as I can get this anvil off'n me skull!

Ye ave the choice icono - ye join us now or ye die by me cutlass ..............aye so slowly, piece by piece will be fed to the fishes and the pooch Rushka!

I will never join you and your band of rogue outlaws. My French ship with two rows of cannons is almost upon you. Look over your shoulder.

I'll be right there as soon as I can get this anvil off'n me skull!

awwwfffghhhh! ye be foolin agin bosin Gid, too much rum?

My French ship with two rows of cannons is almost upon you. Look over your shoulder.

Aye lads she be right! Bosun Gid, git the capt'n we be goin to war!

oy ye drunken scurvy bunch of swags, all ye swabs be gettin yerselves ready.

Where is our capt'n and our 1st mate. Bosun Gid rouse them from their beds, where they be wid their whores, be quick about my brave but drunken man! aaarghhhhhh

I be thankin ye icon fer the eads up on this ere warnin, nows we ave time to prepare fer them haaaaaaaaahaaaaaaaaa! *swings her cat o 9 tails above iconos head*

Come lads wake now! git off yer wimmen, don yer britches tis to war be goin now!

be thankin ye icon fer the eads up on this ere warnin, nows we ave time to prepare fer them

Your crew hasn't zee time to get sober. Surrender now and we shall only kill zee men. We'll take zee boat and zee women for our own.

Surrender now and we shall only kill the men. We'll take the boat and the women for our own.

(does anyone notice the copy and paste has transformed the word zee to the?)

Never! These ere scoundrels are the greatest pirates ye'll see in yer life, stay awake now and be seein hows they be fightin with their cutlasses and guns, drunk or no, there is no ship nor crew that be good enough to beat us.

Man the guns! Ah tis our 1st mate Guy and the good Capt'n Starkers, now ye'll see a fight with good measure. our scurvey scoundrels be sober already!

Yer boat will be ours fer the takin and the booty ye carry on board will be too!

arrghhhhhhhh haaahaaahaaa!

Aye Capt'n Starkers, we awaits your orders.........

I will never join you and your band of rogue outlaws. My French ship with two rows of cannons is almost upon you. Look over your shoulder.

Ye'll be blowed out o' the waaater if ye tries ta engage us in a sea battle! Fer a start ye be out-gunned - bein' we 'aves the Twisted Sister, Just As Twisted and the Boozin' Buccaneer surroundin' that Froggy rowin' boat ye calls a ship.....

And ye calls them pea shooters cannons! Shiver me timbers, we 'aves young lads aboard 'ere with bigger pop guns than that But if it's a fight ye 'ave come fer, then a fight ye shall get....and lest ye fergits, Cap'n Icono, we 'aves a lil green man frum outer space who'll stun ye and yer crew without as much as raisin' a cutlass or firin' shot. 'Owever, bein' the benevolant pirate cap'n that I be, we'll spare yer lives and maroon ye on Muroroa Atoll when we passes there instead....me thinks them French fellers 'ave stopped testin' their atomic bombs there now.

Your crew hasn't zee time to get sober.

Whatever it be that you're smokin' Cap'n Icono, me Bosun Gid'll have some too! Drunk or sober, my crew be the best at sea warfare there is....even the British and U.S. navies be afeared of us and steers well clear when we be about. I suggests ye do the same if yer not be willin' ta join us.

As fer takin' our wimmin, ye'd be mad to try! If Mistress Jennifer and my good lady wife gits aboard yer bucket, ye'd be sorrier than a rat in a flooded bilge. They'd 'ave ye quakin' in yer cap'ns boots....with the lashes from their tongues and cat o' nines, ye'd be demoted from cap'n to a willin' plank walker afore ye knew it.

Aye Capt'n Starkers, we awaits your orders.........

Orright then Mistress Jennifer, if that there Cap'n Icono gives ye any more trouble, 'ang 'im naked from the nearest yard arm and ask me good missus fer a loan of Pecky the carnivorous parrot (think he really be a vulture) ta pick 'is bones. And if ye be offended at the sight of pink jelly beans, I 'aves some dark glasses Gorg gave me that'll help wiv yer embarrissmint.

Yer boat will be ours fer the takin and the booty ye carry on board will be too!

Me thinks ye be right on the money there, Mistress Jennifer....he 'as no idear what he be gettin' 'imself into 'ere, do 'e! 'Owever, if we takes over 'is tub, us'll have ta rename her.....does ye think "Froggy's Waterloo" be a fittin' name fer a French vessel....with two rows o' pop guns?

I can't believe this adventure in asinine points whoring is still going on . . .

Oh, and Zoologist, if ye be thinkin 'bout comin' aboard, I don't want ye turnin' me vessel into a Noah's Ark/come menagerie! With 'ow some of me crew 'as bin behavin' lately, we 'ave enough animals aboard as it be.....not that I be 'earin' any of them wenches complainin' any.

Oh crap, I got sucked in. Somebody get me the hell off on the plank. That's a smegging ORDER. I won't be party to this insanity anymore . . . *pirate voice reappears* better to drown in the pits of digital hell than on a boat with the likes o' ye . . .

Oh arrrrrghhh, if yer not likin' ta be on a boat with the likes of we, us can easily set ye adrift in a longboat....the plank be busy right now. So if yer smeggin' order be that ye gets sent orf to the deep, us'll toss in a couple o' 30 pounder cannonballs so ye can still see Davy Jonses' locker first 'and.

Or we could send ye over to the next cruise ship we passes.....after we've sacked all its booty and taken all their wimmin. The better fun to be had is 'ere, but it be your choice if ye really wants ta disembark fer a less 'ospitable tub.

Orright then Mistress Jennifer, if that there Cap'n Icono gives ye any more trouble, 'ang 'im naked from the nearest yard arm and ask me good missus fer a loan of Pecky the carnivorous parrot (think he really be a vulture) ta pick 'is bones. And if ye be offended at the sight of pink jelly beans, I 'aves some dark glasses Gorg gave me that'll help wiv yer embarrissmint

Aye aye capt'n, tis now done, Pecky be avin a good time o it to! Them pink jelly beans? They be no problem! Theys beein so small and all!

Loses pirate voice* Oh crap, I got sucked in. Somebody get me the hell off on the plank. That's a smegging ORDER. I won't be party to this insanity anymore . . . *pirate voice reappears* better to drown in the pits of digital hell than on a boat with the likes o' ye . . .

aahh me good friend master san, what ye be doin? Tis better ye be stayin aboard this ere bucket of creaking timbers, tis a fine time ye'll ave. Wimmen and rum, an plenty bootie ta be shared!

Ta capt'n of this ere fleet be a fine man wid a gentle wife who as a penchant ta dish out pain when ta need arises! A fairer deal ye'll not git with another capt'n.

Yer not find a better crew ta be part of! *prods im wid er cutlass! with a big grin on er face!*

with the lashes from their tongues and cat o' nines, ye'd be demoted from cap'n to a willin' plank walker afore ye knew it.

if that there Cap'n Icono gives ye any more trouble, 'ang 'im naked from the nearest yard arm and ask me good missus fer a loan of Pecky the carnivorous parrot (think he really be a vulture) ta pick 'is bones

Sounds like fun. I knew you women couldn't resist zee charms of Frenchmen. You are too fine a lady to be on a ship with these filthy, unwashed scalawags. Join us and you'll have all zee fine clothes and jewels you could ever want.

Sounds like fun. I knew you women couldn't resist zee charms of Frenchmen. You are too fine a lady to be on a ship with these filthy, unwashed scalawags. Join us and you'll have all zee fine clothes and jewels you could ever want.

Aye, the French be fine lovers, but lousy fighters. I saw no need to wake the crew as Mistress Jennifer can andily defeat any French Frigate, with but a stumbling Gid as help.

Aye aye capt'n, tis now done, Pecky be avin a good time o it to! Them pink jelly beans? They be no problem! Theys beein so small and all!

That Pecky be a good bird, hey! 'owever, he weren't interested in 'Icono's lil pink jelly bean (term for an unusually small male appendage ) , says it were too small ta bother with....and he were out of toothpicks.


Well me buckos, I've 'ad an unusual request!! Seems we 'ave a couple o' jolly tars aboard who wants ta go ta sumthin they calls a Gay Mardi Grar when we be in the vicinity o' New Orleans. Dunno 'bout that sort of thing - men dressin' up in wimmins clothes n' the like - but I'll put it to ye the crew ta vote ta see if we should dock there fer this 'ere paaaarty. S'pose there'll be plenty o' rum n' the like fer those o 'e who likes ta tickle yer tonsils wiv a bit o' grog.

From what I 'ears, seems them transvestite fellers Lil Whip brought aboard'll be right at 'ome at this 'ere Mardi Grar do.

Oh, and Gorg tells me he can beam down 'is brother, Garter, if us wants more wind in our sails ta reach Stardock sooner. Seems if we feeds Garter some of 'is favrite food (grilled cheese), he gets 'ighly flatulent. So when the wind won't blow and the ship won't go, we can use Garter the farter ta start 'er.

Tho I'd hate ter think 'ow far North us'd get blowed past Stardock if we was ta feed 'im baked beans....don't fancy them cold waaaters of the Arctic

AYe, be alright wit me. I just ope the rest of the crew does not partake too much of the rum, and decide these 'wimmin' are a sight for sore eyes. They be mighty surprised upon waking!