last person I was w/ that died was my uncle and though I thought it would be painful when I felt the calling from him to go be w/ him when it happened, it was something I'll never forget and was unlike anything I ever experienced and I seen and felt it helped him leave in peace though he suffered awful up until that point, it felt as if we exchanged a gift or something like that?

China you better not be crying or I'll have to kick your behind... hehe

g'night you girls /me is sleepy long day today...

/me and Doreen hand china a cold brew and then tickle her until she laughs beer out of her nose!

G'night Doreen...

/me is heading off to sleep too...

Love you gals sooooooooo much! ((((((((GIANT HUG))))))))

death, relationships thats not one of my strong points personally. I know the mechanics, the psychology of it but can never apply it to myself, I turn cold inside, all black and it takes me time for that to fade to gray, but it never seems to disolve, just gets put some where inside out in the back, waiting...

weird huh?

of course I guess that is whay they call it Dissociative Identity Disorder?

Thank you Angela & Doreen... to this day, It's a place I don't visit often, I can't let myself go there. It's far too deep and I'm afraid I'll never be able to find my way out.

Okie you've reduced me to salt tears



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/me flitters in on fairy dust wings and dries ChinaCat's tears and whispers "Don't be sad...your precious and beautiful soul is a testament to your mother whom you obviously cherished...therefore a part of her in YOU lives on strong..."

Just look...you shared a part of her that will live online for a long time...WC keeps threads from wAYYYYYYY back... So in a way...you brought her back to life here for us to know.

/me cherishes Chincat's salt tears and saves them lovingly in a vial along with many other's tears...

Crying is good...it's healthy and healing and RIGHT. I didn't cry from age 15 to 21 and I held everything inside...then when I gave birth to my daughter it was like a flood/torrent of emotions came forth...! I cried at the drop of a hat! I was truly pathetic but I had finally made contact with my inner self after shutting it down for so damned long.

I still shut off from the real me...I find I don't like myself so much which is hard because I want to but well...I look in the mirror every day and say, "I hate your guts...die already"...I have a morbid death wish and yet an intense fear of death too. Go figure?

Everyone I should have trusted [growing up] let me down...

To love is to trust and it hurts when that trust is taken for granted and not cherished and honored.

Why are women, me too, more emotional?

Crying is good. I hate crying cuz the tears makes my face hot & sticky. Bleh! No offense to other women. Crying does feel good.

ummm cuz we're girls and the weaker sex?
(or suppose to be but some guys are wimps) hehe!
/me is in nasty mood today

my uneducated guess would be that it is based upon the be a Man syndrome. Boys are taught from a young age either at home or by peers that to show what is seen as a weakness means you are less than a man.

Odd huh?

Boy's learn not to have any relationship with their emotions to the point that they will learn to morph anything emotional to anger, or turn to verbal fencing to avoid allowing themselves to be put in the situation where they have to face them. In time they almost always have to re-learn, or out right learn it isn't weakness but a part of being human.

In some cases I think this is key part of those whom are homophobic. Conditioning to avoid it because it makes you less than a man and not a woman. Little boy's through the word queer around as if it is the worst thing in the world for you to be, and if you are then you learn not to admit it. As they get older it becomes a reason to fight if someone dares to call you such. If you are you fear being labeled because it will be a youth of pain and suffering of another deeper personal kind than the one you are forced to live which is a lie.


Also on a personal note, I feel that not allowing your emotions to exist is more detrimental than divorcing them....

Males who have to face flowering emotions which are a totally new or forgotten thing go through even more emotional hell than they would if they just had to face the issues with something they understand, their emotions...

Tools of healing...

boy that should get a rise out of someone....

Angela you sound so unhappy when you have alot to be happy about? you're pretty, your daughter loves you, you have alot of friends, your here and alive...
you need to let whatever happened in your past go already so you can get living now and enjoy what life you have now and today...

I have family members alot older than me that I watched that wasted alot of years on playing the victim of past horrors, when I had a few horrors myself (sheesh who does not?) but each bad experience builds your charactor more (if you let it instead of letting it distroy you and ruin your life so stop it)

oh I let my emotions exist believe me... hehe

I just choose not to let them distroy me I choose to let them build & flavor me

Chocolate?

mmmm, miz Doreen is Chocolate flavored?

back, everyone....

you too feline kitty and take the fuzzy hairy thing with you >

hmmmmmm? is choclate?

hmmm now you got me thinking if I was a flavor what flavor would I be?
prob somethng most would spit out cuz they could never figure out? hehe

IP I think it's said that boys be expected to be strong all the time, I think God gave both women and men tear ducts for a reason but it's when men don't know how to control their emotions for the better that makes them weak, not that they show them but "how" they show them...

said = sad

me no click edit buttons today, me is lazy

yes it does, not allowing them, forgetting them, pushing them away, it makes one less than what they should be, human(humane?) in a sence...

'sense', or 'cents'....but not 'sence'.....

Pictoratus - Shmoopy, remember the first person you ever loved? It was you. Take time to love yourself, again.

That is one of the truest, most simple things I have heard in a long time...and good advice for anyone, not just those who are in pain.

Hi Shmoopy,

You gave me some good advice a while ago and I think it might help you too. Start skinning and take your mind off men.

But, men can be emotional too. I was raised by my mother who was strong, loving and emotional. She told me that there was nothing wrong with crying or showing someone that you care. I'm a sucker for a good love story (in a dark theatre. lol.). Because its true, that guys will think you are weak, and I don't want to fight at my age and probably end up in jail for cripplingly or mortally wounding someone. But, I bodybuild and studied martial arts, so most guys don't bother me. So, don't think that all guys let women hurt inside, or can't show their emotions. I use to jump on people even here for mistreating or disrespecting the artists. My own hurt "feelings" made me take down everything I ever submitted here(Something that I do regret). Quite emotional and sensitive, huh?

The problem with men in general is that they tend to show a aggressive emotions more than non-aggressive emotions. I've never hit a lady in my life and never will. If a discussion turns to argument, I go out and have a drink. I think it is a coward who would hit a lady. I have worked very hard to control my aggressive emotions. I don't suppressive them though. I focus them in positive ways such as working out or Martial Arts. Yet, there is nothing I enjoy more than cuddling with a woman.

Actually scientest say that while men do have emotions - they can never be as intense as a womens because of the fact that women have a larger more evolved emotion center in their brain. I am not of course expressing my opinion, merely stating what I have heard! But it is true that men are conditioned more to repress their emotions and that is a definate key factor.

aardvark !



OK ok, "sense" dang second languages...

I speak Americanize fluently

Doreen I struggle with my own demons every day but I'm stronger for it luckily and not weaker (I refuse to let them destroy me). I'm not sad...in fact most the time I'm fairly happy-go-lucky. I always try to see the positive in every negative sitch. For instance...when I'm in a long line at a grocery store checkout...I think...perhaps this time spent saved me from a bad car accident. Things like that have happened in my life...where some awful accident happened just a few minutes before I'd have been in the same place had it not been for me waiting in some line.

Chickie...speaking of emotions and crying...I cry ugly...REAL ugly! You know how some people cry but they sort of keep their cool and manage to still look half-sane he-he? Not me! I cry with my face all scrunched up and I wail from way down deep (those awful gutteral cries) and I look and sound positively scary! I think a good cry is almost primal in nature. After all...babies let it ALL out with no holds barred. It's our social conditioning which keeps our emotions and feelings in check [somewhat] which is why I could never stand communal living of any sort...I need my private space to just be me and wail like a wild banshee if need be.

Oh...and Chas...I have absolutely no inspiration right now to skin anything...I've been too pooped out in the art-dept. but I figure it will come back in time. I need to renew my OD account soon speaking of...

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Shmoopy is happy-go-lucky? We must be talking about different people here. Just kidding! You are pretty cheerful around here from what I've seen. You might cry ugly but you smile beautiful. So just smile and look in the mirror alot and I doubt you could resist the power of your own cheerful grin.

Çërêb®øJÐ

You trying to make me blush?

/me gives everyone a big hug and a silly lopsided smile and yells out "P-A-R-T-WHY? Cuz I gotta!"