just john just john

Missing girl = Bad Parenting

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Missing girl = Bad Parenting

Aruba, Jamaica, I just wanna no gotta go

from JoeUser Forums
I just don't understand what is going on with the current trend of kids going out of the country unsupervised as a graduation thing. When I was in high school, not all that long ago we went on senior trips ranging from a hundred miles or so to at most a Florida or bust trip. Did we do stupid things? Hell yes! We acted crazy, tried to get away with illegal things, and were generally as stupid and irresponsible as we could be. I can't imagine what might have happened if we had gone out of the country where it was legal to drink and easier to do drugs. When you combine that with the ultimate party atmosphere (when you are a teen all that takes is a night club and no parents), you are just asking for trouble.

I'm sure all of the details of the missing girl have not been released. We do know that she left the club with three local guys. Wait! Why didn't her friends didn't do anything to stop her? It was probably because they had been drinking and there judgment was clouded. Surely these "friends" wouldn't let her go off with some strange guys in their home town. Would they? She left the club with people she had just met! What kind of decision making is that? Poor! Very Poor.

She is missing and ultimately it is her parents fault. My parents were strict but fair. When I wanted to go out to prom parties with alcohol, they said NO. Then they offered to let me have a party at our house with alcohol. They arraigned to have a DJ and all of the trimmings. They collected keys at the door. They made sure all parents of the kids knew there would be alcohol. They went up stairs and left us alone (for the most part). They even came down and cooked everyone a lavish breakfast. It was an incredibly fun night but with some supervision. They made sure that we couldn't do anything too stupid. Why? Because, if we were left alone someone could have gotten seriously hurt, come up missing, or even dead.

What is wrong with parents today? Why will they allow someone with a curfew to leave the country unsupervised? It just doesn't make any sense to me.
parenting
9,033 views 34 replies
Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top
You still don't get it, do you, justjohn? legally, her parents' permission on whether she could go or not DIDN'T MATTER....she was a LEGAL ADULT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I hope, if you ever have children, that you never lose a child. If you do, I hope you don't have to get up in the morning and read countless arguments from people who claim that it was YOUR FAULT! The parents are going through a living hell right now, and your statements are baseless and premature. They had no reason to believe that this would happen.

As for your "fostering" several children: "I'm not a dr., but I play one on TV", right?
Reply #27 from JoeUser Forums Top
So you agree that her parents were bad?


Only if you think your parents are bad. ;~D

Actually, I do feel some relief from your explanation. Not as much that they "limited" the alcohol at the party. They still broke a few dozen laws there, and I've never been a big fan of the whole "well if they're doing it in my home, at least their safe" crap, but that's for your folks to decide.

What I am glad to hear is the part where your parents were a "welcome addition to the party". The fact they were able to supervise without seeming to says a lot for you, your friends, and them as parents. My parents were like that too, in fact, for me, I have been invited to be the "adult supervision" at parties at others homes when their parents couldn't be there.
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Reply #28 from JoeUser Forums Top
I know a few 35 year olds who would disagree with you (chuckle)


It wasn't meant that way but I think you knew that.
Reply #29 from JoeUser Forums Top
It wasn't meant that way but I think you knew that.


Umm, it wasn't? No, I didn't know that. You stated, expressly, that living at home under the financial support of the parents nullifies legal adulthood.

Whether the person is 18 or 35, if they are declared by the state to be an adult, they are an adult. their living situation is immaterial.
Reply #30 from JoeUser Forums Top
The alternate was to go to the many parties that were being thrown in hotel rooms that were completely unsupervised. I think my parents chose the lesser of two evils. Of course, you do have a point. Letting kids drink while partially supervised could be considered irresponsible. At least my parents offered an alternative that allowed me and other kids to not get behind the wheel of a car. They gave us a place to have a party. They didn't spend the night upstairs with the door closed. My dad spent the better portion of the night trying to fix damage that had been done to one of the kid’s cars so he wouldn't get in trouble. (he backed into our mailbox on the way to prom) My mom came in and checked on us quite often. Go figure, she was a welcome addition to the party. Could be because no one there had to worry about getting in trouble for what they were doing because their parents already knew what was going on. And really, there wasn't enough alcohol there to allow any one person to get too drunk and my parents were involved enough to make sure that didn't happen. I think with the other possibilities, they provided a much safer alternative while still allowing us to have fun.


Para's right...your parents broke several laws in providing your party. Had you, or one of your friends attending managed to get drunk (there are ways, even at a supervised party), and die as a result of alcohol poisoning, your parents would have been fully legally culpable for their deaths.

This does, by the way, underscore the hypocrisy of your position: This girl's parents allowed her to go on a trip she was legally entitled to take without their consent in the first place, to a resort island where they had no reasonable reason to expect her to be a victim of crime, and you're saying that her disappearance is a result of bad parenting on their part, while your parents invite your friends to participate in an illegal activity that could lead to the transmission of STD's or death from alcohol posioning and they're considered "good" parents.

For the record, I don't consider your parents bad, even though I disagree with their actions in the instance you cite. But neither do I consider the parents of this young lady to have ANY culpability in her disappearance. Your placing of blame is hypocritical, insensitive, and premature.
Reply #31 from JoeUser Forums Top
Para's right...your parents broke several laws in providing your party. Had you, or one of your friends attending managed to get drunk (there are ways, even at a supervised party), and die as a result of alcohol poisoning, your parents would have been fully legally culpable for their deaths.


Absolutely right. They were and took full responsibility for the situation. They made a compromise that could have been potentially dangerous. But at the very least they did it with precaution and all involved parties and parents in full knowledge of what was going on.

But neither do I consider the parents of this young lady to have ANY culpability in her disappearance. Your placing of blame is hypocritical, insensitive, and premature.


Maybe you are right. Maybe her parents had no responsibility to ensure her safety. Maybe they were just naive. I have seen the stories about the places these kids are going and how easy it is to obtain illegal prescription medication. I also know several kids who have gone on these types of trips. I have heard the stories of near death situations and death defying chances taken first hand. Her parents could have said no and they didn't. Not that that could have or would have stopped her. If her parents assumed that this was a safe trip maybe that doesn't make them a bad parent but it does make them naive. I am not bashing her parents specifically. I had a huge argument with a family member over the same issue. The stories her child told me when he got back were horrifying. I just don't understand why knowing what we know about these trips, how they continue to go on.
Reply #32 from JoeUser Forums Top
As for your "fostering" several children: "I'm not a dr., but I play one on TV", right?


Ya know... I have heard here that I shouldn't be discussing things that I know nothing about. Well this is one you surely know nothing about.

It's too bad this has turned into a bashing session instead of a discussion.

I give up ... believe that I am a horrible person for my opinion. I don't care. I'll leave the thread open for your discussion but I am done. That quote was far too personal. I know I brought it up but you have no idea what I did or gave up to see those children be successful and then taken back to a horrible situation.
Reply #33 from JoeUser Forums Top
you really shouldn't run your mouth about people who are suffering the worst fear a parent can have until you do.

I agree.

It's too bad this has turned into a bashing session instead of a discussion.


And what exactly did you do when you stated 'missing girl = bad parenting'? That's not exactly positive, now is it? In fact, I'd consider that bashing.
Reply #34 from JoeUser Forums Top
Like dharma said so well, it started out as a bashing session... bashing her parents.

This is just an extension of the same crabby "Bad things happen to people because they did something wrong" mentality. Once upon a time it was because you 'sinned', now it is because you didn't do x,y,or z, but the thought is the same. Blame the victims.