Bullies have to be confronted

That's a very common sense approach....from a parent....very retro considering how society especially in the education system tends to frown upon anyone defending themself as you prescribed...physical contact of anykind is deemed too confrontational....go figure...

By the way it's the same advice my father (ex-marine DI) told me long ago when I went through my own bully phase in school...and wasnt till I confronted them on my own did I get some measure of respect....in all my life, all the bullies I have ever faced I stood up for myself....and when a fight breaks out...only one is the winner...more often than not it was me...but even when I lost at least they knew I wasnt a pushover...that how it is...even if you dont win, you have to stand up and defend yourself...and give as good as you get.....

The same in school goes for the world around us.....somethings never change...just my two cents...tell your son to keep his guard up and wait for his opening.....

HERE HERE ON THE ARTICLE!

Now if adults would take the same approach our society would be so much better for it. Reward people for fighting back against muggers, and standing up to people trying to rob their stores. Help them if you're there, beat the asses doing this sort of thing into a hospital bed, then have charges laid against them and put them in jail. Bullies, no matter the age, still need to be deleted.

My advice is to have a sit down with the teacher, that you can document in some way. Then, when you kid socks him in the teeth, the school won't be able to feign ignorance.

The best way to a neglectful teacher is through the principal. Sometime when you are picking your kid up early or dropping him off, steer the principal off to the side and ask him something like "Should I be concerned if my kid comes home and says a boy is punching him in the head every day?" Make like you know that kids rough house around, laugh it off, but tell him that it is happening so frequently you are kind of worried that the teacher doesn't seem to respond.

The main thing is just to be able to show that the school was notified and did nothing when they try to punish your kid for decking the bully. Frankly, any teacher that knows about that kind of behavior and brushes it off with a warning isn't worth her salt. I'd make myself known to her at every given opportunity. If she starts feeling pressure, you can bet the bully will.

P.S.

In terms of self defense, elbows, elbows, elbows. A fist to the face hurts, sure, but it is easy to miss. You also stay back far enough for the bully to hit you.

Nothing shocks a bully more than lurching into his face and coming across the bridge of his nose with your forearm/elbow. It even looks kind of accidental if you do it right *cough*.

I was fortunate to have older siblings at school with me, so I never had such issues... I got kneed in the balls in year 7 - thats like when you are 11, and at lunch break, my older sister with her 17 year old friends came and beat the crap out of the perpetrator, and i was not touched once after that...

the sad fact is, you may get picked on, but if you stand up to them initially, there is always someone more submissive than you, and you will generally be left alone.

It is nearly pointless for me to hand out an Isightful for your articles but here is one for this article anyways...

While I do agree that you need to stand up to bullies I disagree with the immediate action of fighting before trying to resolve the problem.

You imply that it is the schools sole responsibility to control the bully, however, it is also up to the parents of that child too.  In my opinion I believe it would be best to bring this to the attention of the parents of that child.  It's possible that this can be resolved first by means of communication by all parties involved.  You should intervene by calling the parents or asking them to have a meeting with you and the school's principal.  If I was the parent of a bully child I would hope that another parent contacted me first before telling their kid to beat the crap out of my child.  Of course not all parents may react in a calm  matter about this but it's definitely worth the call.

If this doesn't work then by all means your son should defend himself.  But I think you would be missing out on a great non violent opportunity to resolve this issue by speaking to that kids parents first.

...Passing thought...I wonder if the school has contacted that child's parents yet?  I hope so.  If not I would be giving the school a piece of my mind!

My advice is to have a sit down with the teacher, that you can document in some way. Then, when you kid socks him in the teeth, the school won't be able to feign ignorance.

I made the teacher sign a statement on the contents of the discussion.  My Daughter did not have any more problems with that hooligan (that was first grade).

Course they transferred him to an alternate school about a month later when he threw a desk, so I dont know if the teacher would have made a real difference or not.

We were in Augsburg, W. Germany, and there was only one school for the American kids stationed there.

Frankfurt, class of 74!!!!

Bullies are not to be ignored. They are to be confronted and defeated.

ABSOLUTLEY! This is so very true. I know that in prison you had BETTER fight back. It does not matter if you loose or not, the thing is to fight. A bully does not want a fighter. One thing I alsways told bullys in my younger days: you may whip me, but you gotta sleep sometime!Paybacks, as they say, can indeed be a bitch...

Listen to T-Man and BakerStreet. Tell the teacher, document, contact the other kid's parents....AND have Alex ready to defend himself. You don't want him being blamed as the aggressor. That gets him in trouble and, more importantly, teaches him NOT to defend himself.

Being right is one thing, being able to prove that you are right is another. Who reading this has not been blamed as the "bad guy" (or gal) when all they did was defend themselves?

To those optimistic people who think telling the kid's parents is going to work, I have to respectfully disagree.  I used to think the same way but have had far too much experience witnessing action to the contrary.  Too many parents of bullies are bullies themselves and see agression as strength.

Also, even if the parents and teachers talk to a 2nd grader, do you really think that is going to make a difference?  Have you had much experience with a lot of 2nd grade boys recently?  I have.  A good number of them don't have a lot going on upstairs and will act out whatever impulse strikes them at the time.  If the bully gets socked in the nose for beating on a "nice" kid, he isn't likely to have that impulse again.

I, as a fat kid, got bullied a lot.  I was a nice, sweet little girl and was told that if you are nice to people, they would be nice back.  I got the whole "turn the other cheek" and "be a bigger person" sermon.  I found out the hard way that those ways don't work.  Anyone who believes that there is always a "nonviolent" solution is ignoring human nature.  I tried everything including telling teachers and having my parents talk to their parents.  Guess what, that only seemed to fuel them.  It is like my "squealing" only fueled them more.

I have never punched anyone in the face but I certainly did some shoving, kicking and my favorite move, grabbing them by the back of their shirt (sweatshirt hood worked best) and twirling them until they go tumbling into an embarrassed heap.  Once a little fat girl makes you look like a fool, you don't tend to go back for more.

Too many parents of bullies are bullies themselves and see agression as strength.

Jill is correct here. I'm speaking from personal experience. Most times when the child is a bully, it's the parents who are also doing the same kind of behaviour. Going around intimidating others because they feel they are bigger or badder. I don't blame Brad for telling his son to stand up for himself. I've done the same thing.

My older daughter was bullied during her years at elementary school. It stopped when she finally stood up for herself. My son was being bullied from time to time. So after contacting the teacher, and even after he reported to the teacher the incidents, the bully continued. I told my son what to do. In short, how to defend himself, he did, and the bully left him alone. Unfortunately, there seem to always be a bully in each grade. My son is a very peaceful, loving and friendly person. He's slight in built and doesn't look very strong. He likes his games and walks around with his baseball cap and sunglasses. Kids who are bigger sees him as someone to pick on all the time. So it's a constant problem.

As much as I would like to go pummel the bully myself, I know I can't and it's wrong, but I refuse to stand by and let my kid be harrassed by some jerk of a kid. So, I'll always have his back and I'll always tell him to defend himself.

To be blunt, tell him to kick him in the nuts. Works every time...

Too many parents of bullies are bullies themselves and see agression as strength.

It's very true.  Just last night I was watching the news (which always has "Detroit crime" on it).  A parent told his kid to "fight back", which the kid did.  The kids house was promptly sprayed with gun fire from the bully's parent and older sibling.  Obviously, things are handled a bit different in inner cities, but it just shows that the bullys are most likely learning it from their parents.

Enroll them in Karate or some other martial art if they are interested,

I couldn't agree more. I don't even have any belts, but I did study some martial arts for a while (ninjitsu and karate) and the little I gained from it increased my confidence immeasurably. Not to mention the benefit of exercise. If you have never studied any martial arts then I can't even begin to describe it, but it changes your whole world view.

Quote from riazlongi(Anonymous User):

"Have you guys ever thought about as to why the western societies keep producing bullies whether it be in schools or at government level. Think about the reasons and the solution will automatically come to you"

Okay Genius, Mr. Einstein. Tell us then, why? Perhaps because America is the dominant society in world right and pretty much have been since the US Cival War or at least since WWI. Even though every time America 'bullies' some other country, it is because the other country cannot control Genocide like Rawanda or Darfur. Well, maybe not all like that, after all we do covet the Middle East's Oil.

For Draginol, how very true!.

For Jill. You hit it right on the spot.

For everyone else, also tell your son, after the kid doesn't bully him any more, if he sees him bulling someone, that he should step in and stand up for the other person being bullied. If more people did this, then the world would be a better place.

BTW, Saddam was a bully.

My son has already taken a Tai Kwon Do (sp?) class so we're with you guys there in terms of teaching him to be confident in his own physical abilities.

Bear in mind, he already has told the teacher about what is happening (and my son is not a tattle-tale, so if he went to the teacher it was serious). And the teacher did a lame "tell Alex you're sorry" to the bully.

My wife volunteers a lot for the school. It'll come up that our standing policy on bullies is for our son to defend himself. What's the worst they're going to do? Suspend him? He's in second-grade, not an issue. And at that point we would definitely have a..discussion with the principal and teacher.

I'm generally pretty disappointed with just how lame the school is. A few weeks ago, my son was sent to the principal's office for drawing a picture of a wrecking ball wrecking the school. He saw it on a cartoon (not that they asked) and thought it was funny. But as part of their "no tolerance" policy they sent my 2nd grader son to the principal's office for a lecture.  Yet, what is the school's response to a bully who's pushing my son down and kicking him in the head and stomach? To make him say "sorry".  Why not send the kid who's actually violent to the office?

BTW, Saddam was a bully.

No he was not...he was just misunderstood and needed a time out.

A few weeks ago, my son was sent to the principal's office for drawing a picture of a wrecking ball wrecking the school.

Yeah cause your son might steal a wrecking ball and use it on the school....Yet a bully who is attacking your son, and lord knows who else's child is allowed to roam free without any realistic sort of discipline. Gotta love the education system.

Consider the facts that thefirst americans were the convicts who came with columbus and they were bullies, then the non conformists of the old world flocked there to escape the normal people,cutthroats, brigands,convicts escaped to american shores to avoid punishment. heretics also went there to escape.
All in all the society became what the people were. various mafias emerged to bully people, they bullied the indians of their land. the southern half bullied the african slaves and the presentlot of the afro-americans has not changed.
the genes of these people are still there and cannot be changed.

bullies inherantly are cowards, brad as you stated, some common sense to have your child defend himself is a good thing, a strong thing, you give good advice to your child.

good parenting awards to you and mrs user.

I was a slight kid growing up and had my fair share of the bullies trying to thump on me. My father (A Marine who's footsteps I followed) told me "son you've been taking Karate and Tae Kwon Do for close to 7 years, what did they teach you in those classes?" I replied "they said that martial arts were to discipline the mind and body and to never use them for bad." he said to me "that's correct, they are to be used for discipline..... but not just yours. If someone refuses to let you live your life free from physical harm then it's your responsibility to make sure you discipline their body as well. Just make sure you discipline them enough that they don't get up till you've left the area." I heeded that advice and lo and behold I've been bully free since...... I even have the small claim to fame of kicking two horrible brother's asses at the same time and then their mother almost getting her's whooped by my mom. Enroll your son in a Karate class but make sure you get the message right, which from what I can tell you'll have no problem. "violence begets more violence, but if you're the second violence then you're justified"

Reply By: riazlongi(Anonymous User) Posted: Thursday, March 24, 2005
Consider the facts that thefirst americans were the convicts who came with columbus and they were bullies, then the non conformists of the old world flocked there to escape the normal people,cutthroats, brigands,convicts escaped to american shores to avoid punishment. heretics also went there to escape.
All in all the society became what the people were. various mafias emerged to bully people, they bullied the indians of their land. the southern half bullied the african slaves and the presentlot of the afro-americans has not changed.
the genes of these people are still there and cannot be changed.

Hey there retard (riazlongi)
If i'm not mistaken the "convicts' that were cruizing the open oceans with colombus were anything but. Most of them were traders and business types with family looking for ......gee I don't know the f*ckin West Idies maybe? hence we called the tonto's that we found (india)ns. I believe you're thinking of Australia when talking of brigands and cutthroats(it was a British penal colony after all) and while it's no doubt that a few bad apples may have made the journey here the founding fathers weren't running from the law but from mediocrity (nothing ventured nothing gained). We were founded under the principles that no man should suffer oppression(read bullying) from the royal crown and that we were a freen and soveriegn people.
Now these various mafias that emerged weren't contained to our shores. There is ample evidence and outright proof that mafias exist in all countries in all continents around the world(including antartica ask the penguins..... bastard killer whales) and these mafias did not originate here but were expanded from these "host" nations to our blessed shores.
We also recognize our faults and the hipocracy of the way "we" treated the native americans and the slaves while claiming equality for all men. We made some reparations to those groups for the crimes commited against them, maybe more are due but that is not for me to decide. For you to say that the "lot of the African Americans has not changed" is but further evidence that you are nothing more then an Emu with your heard burried in the sand and an IGNORANT unread Emu at that. The African and Native American communities would take great offense to your notion that they're nothing more than rock'em sock'em dolls for the "white man". The last time I read the news paper it wasn't Americans blowing up trains(Spain march 04) and killing school kids(Russia 04) to make known some grievances. We are a family here, and like family we can get into a bit of a fight with each other. But in the end we kiss and make up. Now it's when someone outside the family comes and tries to start some shit that our true love for one another shows. (quit startin shit, dick)
One thing that America has always been at the forefront of is recognizing and rectifying our own mistakes. We take pride in leading the world in the right direction and we've been pretty damn good at it. Again we've made mistakes and we readily admit to them when recognized but the last thing that should be uttered from your "I hate America" lips is our faults. We're one of the newest kids to arrive on the block and for all the attrocities commited around the world by all the different nations for any of them to criticize us seems like petty jealousy and nitpicky bullshit meant to take the shine off your own indescretions. oh and for us to be filled by bullies we sure do have an awful lot of people trying their damndest to get here to make a better life for them and there's. By the way I'm native so dont get all uppity about my use of tonto and I didn't mean to offend any mentally or physically handicapped people by lumping them in with this jackass. Please forgive me I was wrong...... heh heh i proved my point just now.
I'm no bully but......... I'll kick your ass

Personally, I think that bullies should be charged with assault and battery. If the school officials are too brainless and wimpy to handle the problem, take it out of their hands.

Last I checked, hitting another person isn't just an infraction of school policy, it's a felony.