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Bullies have to be confronted

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Bullies have to be confronted

Dad to son: Defend yourself

from JoeUser Forums

My second-grader son is having bully problems. He came to me tonight crying that this kid in school keeps punching him, sometimes in the head.

I asked him if he had gone to the teacher about this yet? He said he had and that the teacher made the kid apologize for hitting him. But the next recess, the bully was back at it, hitting my son.  He just didn't know what to do.

So I told him: If he hits you again, you need to be prepared to beat the tar out of him. Don't start the fight. But make sure you finish it.  The nose is a tender area on a small child. If the bully is hitting you in the head, you hit him back in the face. Punch him hard in the nose until he's not able to hit you anymore.

His reaction was that he didn't want to get in trouble. That in school, teachers send anyone in a fight to the principal's office.  I told him, "That's right. They will send you there. And they will call us and then your mom and I will tell him that we told you to beat the tar out of this kid. And we will remind him that if the school can't control the bullies, then we will teach our son how to defend himself effectively."

We also assured him that as long as he is defending himself -- not starting the physical fight -- that we will stand by him.  He's a good boy. A gentle, sweet, kind boy. But he has to learn that bullies aren't to be placated. They are to be confronted.  If the bully is too big for him to handle, then he needs to bring it to a teacher's attention again or bring it to us and we will intervene. But we won't intervene if he isn't willing to defend himself from bullies that are his size or smaller. He has to fight his own battles. And we will support him on it, regardless of what the school says.

Anyone who says that if you pretend the bullies attacks don't bother you you will be fine is a fool. Bullies are not to be ignored. They are to be confronted and defeated.

parenting
16,484 views 48 replies
Reply #26 from JoeUser Forums Top
I dont know why but schools seem to be like that...they look over the problems. Personally, what you told your son to do is the right thing. He needs to defend himself no matter what happens and as long as he doesnt start it...the better for him

~Live Life to the Fullest~
Ns38
Reply #27 from JoeUser Forums Top
wait... are you saying that he can hit the other kid as long as he is the same size??? Does e still go to the teacher after defending himself?
Elemental: Reforged
Reply #28 from JoeUser Forums Top
Consider the facts that thefirst americans were the convicts who came with columbus and they were bullies, then the non conformists of the old world flocked there to escape the normal people,cutthroats, brigands,convicts escaped to american shores to avoid punishment. heretics also went there to escape.All in all the society became what the people were. various mafias emerged to bully people, they bullied the indians of their land. the southern half bullied the african slaves and the presentlot of the afro-americans has not changed.the genes of these people are still there and cannot be changed.


Aside from the fact your entire argument is factually in error...big time....putting that aside...by what you wrote...are you saying bullies are born...as in a genetic trait? Give me a f'ing break. By the way....the idea behind the concept of the mafia is Chinese..not Italian...just a bit of fact. I hate morons like this.


Drag....you have set you child on the proper path.....thats the sign of a true parent....good for you...
Reply #29 from JoeUser Forums Top
I was a really skinny kid when I was growing up. Though that was because I had a very compact frame and muscle structure, so I was stronger than I looked. Because I looked so small people thought they could pick on me. It wasn't until middle school that I stood up for myself. In 7th grade I have 3 encounters with bullies. It was the last year anyone ever picked on my physically.

The first one was much larger than I was. He rode my bus and would constantly push me out of my seat, toss my bookbag around, punch me etc. Finally one day I had enough and went for him. He had continued to push me as we walked into the school. Now I've always been non-violent and took the "just ignore them" approach. I got sick of it, turned to him, literally threw him into the wall, walked over and held him by the throat against it. Held him there and told him to never touch me again. He didn't. He ran off crying.

The second one was interesting because it all happened in front of teachers. We had a TV in our homeroom and watched news and such in the morning. One kid was addicted to Gilligans Island and would literally throw a fit until we gave in and let him watch it. One day we decided to switch it on him, but he always stood blocking the TV controls so we couldn't do it. I distracted him by asking some question while someone else changed the channel. He shrieked and lunged for me, I side stepped him and he ran head first into a wall. He came at me again, I side-stepped and spun him around... he ran head first into the wall again. I told him to chill out and back off. He came at me again so I held him against the wall and sent my elbow to his forehead and once again said to chill out. The teacher was in the room the whole time and watched. Never said a word (it was obvious I was defending myself). Later in the day he walked up behind me and kidney punched me. I spun around and clocked him and went back to my work. Once again, teacher saw, did nothing as it was self defense and I wasn't pursuing it beyond getting him to leave me alone.

Third time was from a problem student the administration had been having issues with for a long time. He was walking and wasn't looking where he was going (I was standing still in a wide open space) and walked into me. Pulled out a foot long rubber hose and started whipping me across the face with it. I couldn't defend myself in this case as his cronies held me down. I went hom with my face smashed to hell. As soon as my mom got home, we went to the police station and filed an assault charge. The kid was evicted from the school district as a result and had to go live with his other parent in another state to be allowed back into a public school.

Don't take shit from bullies. If you can, fight back only until they stop attacking you. If you can't fight back, screw the teachers, the other parents (who will say you must be lying because their sweet perfect angel wouldn't do something like that) and all that and go straight to the police and file an assault charge. Doesn't matter how old the kid is, nail him!
Reply #30 from JoeUser Forums Top
who was the crackpot that ordered the only two atom bombs to be used on japan. i guess your media would be telling you that it was a third world country.
anyway it seems you have an appointment with your shrink thats what all you guys do.
Reply #31 from JoeUser Forums Top
wow, you really are stupid aren't you? Fortunately we didn't drop more. Fortunately we are civilized and didn't pursue and expansionistic desires, otherwise Japan and every other nation in the world would be America's beotches! Then again, Japan is still sort of our beotch.
Reply #32 from JoeUser Forums Top
Perhaps because America is the dominant society in world

America constitutes some 4 % of theworld population. And their arrogance will be their fall.
Reply #33 from JoeUser Forums Top
Well my problem is that because of my small penis size and the fact that I live in some pathetic little country I'm bitter against all Americans. That's why I wander onto threads like this and try to turn a discussion about school yard bullies into some pointless anti-American rant.

I'm jealous of the fact that the United States, which constitutes a small percentage of the world population has accomplished so much and dominates so much of the world culture, technology and economy.

It really makes me mad that my only outlet to my petty jealousy and ignorance is to use my American designed computer to go onto the American designed Internet to visit an American run website to complain about Americans. It's too bad my own country is so pathetic that I have to lash out at this.

My own country has no bullies because we're all too busy being victims of our own repressive governments.
Reply #34 from JoeUser Forums Top
riazlongi:

So far you're the one who has been incredibly insulting and delusional... not to mention waaaaay off-topic for this thread. If bullies are genetically predisposed towards being bullies... do you have a long history of mental instability in your family?
1. Early Americans were Puritans, really up-tight religious people who didn't like how "loose" things were in England. We later became rebellious and treasonous when we fought for our independence
2. Australia is the land of convicts as it was originally a penal colony. They've turned out to be a rather nice and reasonable lot despite it.
3. While racial equality has not been reached, to say that african-americans are in pretty much the same situation now as they were in pre-Civil War times is insulting. I don't know many whites who "own" blacks anymore. In fact, I think we have a whole slew of laws on the matter preventing it.

Before you try calling people barbarians or claim that bullying is genetic or whatnot, at least try to get your facts straight.

Oh, and our fall will be our dependence on foreign oil if anything. If we could solve that problem we could become isolationists again and let the rest of the world do its own thing. Granted we're arrogant, but that's because we have the ability to back it up, it's not hollow talk.
Reply #35 from JoeUser Forums Top

Riaz, I have little tolerance for fools. And so I have even less tolerance for fools coming onto my article about bullies and trying to hijack it into some idiotic anti-American diatribe.  For a guy posting from a country that can't even manage to have a stable democratic country, you have a lot of nerve trying to talk to us about bullies. Particularly considering your treatment of women.  I gaurantee you that people of all races live a lot better in the United States than a typical woman.  And it's pretty rare for people to get killed here because of their religion unlike what happens in your country.

So take my advice, take your pathetic agenda somewhere else.  This is a discussion on how one deals with school-yard bullies. And while your obnoxious, arrogant attitude has provided an excellent example of what to do about bullies, your continued presence is not required.

Reply #36 from JoeUser Forums Top
American population comprises of whackos,weirdos,junkies thugs,buffoons,generations of people born out of wedlock, in other words bastards some of whom are on this blog.
Reply #37 from JoeUser Forums Top
I'm no bully but......... I'll kick your ass

You have proven the fact that you all are stupid bullies. Moron
Reply #38 from JoeUser Forums Top

 

I'm no bully but......... I'll kick your ass

Spoken like a true bully. 

You have proven the fact that you all are stupid bullies. Moron

Riaz, btw, is posting from Pakistan. The land of gentleness and sunshine... Which may explain his ignorance on American culture.

Reply #39 from JoeUser Forums Top
Interesting bully-related story that happened a couple of weeks (ish) ago in my city. A teacher made bullies wear hockey helmets that had things like "Bullies are losers" written on them and encouraged the rest of the class to tease them. Interesting approach, but it caused a huge controversy around the city about whether the punishment was appropriate and whether the teacher should be punished for it.

Any thoughts?
Reply #40 from JoeUser Forums Top
"A teacher made bullies wear hockey helmets that had things like "Bullies are losers" written on them and encouraged the rest of the class to tease them"


Sounds like the teacher was just being a bully. I don't think you overcome something by taking on its worst traits. Defending yourself is about preventing harm, not causing harm; i.e. dealing with an immediate threat to your personal safety. To me, an authority figure humiliating a child is probably going to make them a worse bully.

My little girls teacher caught a little boy stepping on a little girl's coat a few weeks back. In response, she tossed his coat onto the floor and stepped on it. I verified it with others in the class.

Did the little boy learn it was bad to step on someone's coat? Probably not, since the teacher does it too.
Reply #41 from JoeUser Forums Top
gimme an H! Gimme an O! gimme an M! gimme an E! Gimme a space! Gimme an S! Gimme an C. gimme an H! gimme an O! Gimme another O! Gimme an L! Whadaya got? You got it!
Reply #42 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sounds like the teacher was just being a bully. I don't think you overcome something by taking on its worst traits.


I tend to agree with you here, because I can't see most bullies going "so this is what I've been doing to people. That hurts. I'll stop." I can't see it helping any.
Reply #43 from JoeUser Forums Top
You're doing the right thing, Brad. Life isn't going to be easy for a child or a parent, and both will have to take bumps along the way. My son is almost two years old now and my daughter will start school in August, so I haven't had to face these problems with them yet. But if the same situation arises, I will take the same action.

I wrote an article about this on St. Patrick's Day, inappropriately titled "I hate St. Patrick's Day" where I describe my feelings on the holiday.


And a question about JU. How is it possible to find out the IP address of someone commenting on your blog? Is it possible to ban a particular IP address in order to block a pesky anonymous user from trolling?
Reply #44 from JoeUser Forums Top
Just take it. When you think about it, people you think are trolls actually confirms that you yourself are not a troll so it serves as a reminder and confirmation that you're better than them. Keep the troll. Bans are kind of ignorant I think, unless it's blatant harassment with no point other than to flame and anger.
Reply #45 from JoeUser Forums Top
Just take it. When you think about it, people you think are trolls actually confirms that you yourself are not a troll so it serves as a reminder and confirmation that you're better than them. Keep the troll. Bans are kind of ignorant I think, unless it's blatant harassment with no point other than to flame and anger.


Reiki, it's not a matter of needing a morale booster. The state of a fellow blogger, or someone who comments on a blog, doesn't make or break me. It's simply a matter of being able to block a person who becomes obnoxious and obstructive.
Reply #46 from JoeUser Forums Top

It's pretty hard to block anonymous posters so you have to just not allow them if you're worried.

I rarely black list people from my blog. Only if they seem incapable of offering a reasoned response. 

I am fortunate, as the owner of the site, to be able to see IP addresses and other info of anonymous users (in fact, when an anonymous user posts and they have an account here that has ever used the same or a similar IP it simply puts in their name - I've caught a lot of people here foolishly trolling my articles as "anonymous" even as they have regular accounts).

But getting back to bullies. Nothing new to report so far.

Reply #47 from JoeUser Forums Top

I like the suff the poster of this article is made of!
i have 2 yong sons and have told them the same advice that you said,
which also happened to be the same advice my dad gave me.

Also, getting kids invloved in sports will help as Bullys like to pick on the loners,
if they are in sports they got their friends, Coach and ect to worry about..