starkers starkers

So, I Recently Discovered I'm Addicted To Ice

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So, I Recently Discovered I'm Addicted To Ice

from WinCustomize Forums

Yes!  Ice!   But it's not what you may think.

Anyhow, every great yarn has a beginnimg, so that's where I'll start.... and first things first, I don't like drinking straight tap water, either filtered or otherwise.  Firstly, drinking too much unflavoured tap water makes me nauseous... really, so I add some lemon or other fruit juice to make it more platable.

So what's so unusual about that, one might ask.  Well I started getting bored with the samo, samo, and with the hotter weather hotting up even more [temps in the low 40's], I decided to trundle off to the store to purchase a 3 - 4kg. bag of ice... you know, the frozen water kind.... not the manufactured drug kind.  Shoot, I don't even do a little weed, so that 'other' Ice is NOT on the agenda/menu.... and yes, I digress yet again.

Anyway, after a long trudge back from the store with this heavy bag of ice, I'm as thirsty as all buggery, not to mention hot and sweaty and in serious need of cooling down.  Well that's when my addiction began.  I get out this half litre glass and half fill it with cold tap water that's been in the fridge. then I squeeze in an appropriate amount of lemon juice before adding copious amounts of ice tothe brim.  Did I mention it was a steenken hot day?  Well it was, and the half litre glass of icy cold water barely touched the sides.

After chomping down on.the remaining ice cubes until there were none, which I must say took a while, I went and got a refill.... and another.... and another.... and another.... and another.  Now remember, I don't like drinking water that much.  I recall people saying that fish do unhygenic things in it, and it's about now that I have this more than urgent need to pee....LOTS.  

So, what was the attraction, the driving force that kept me going back for more?  Well after filling my glass another time with just ice, and happily disposing of it before considering another, it dawned on me that I have an ice addiction.  That 3 - 4kg bag lasted just two days more and I was off to the store for another.... which I also devoured in equally short time. 

It's like I can't get enough of the stuff, and being it's just frozen water, something I've declared I don't like, I'm beginning to think there's something wrong with me.  I keep thinking that I should go see my shrink, but just as I'm about to walk out the door each time, I find a number of excuses: "Well it has been exceedingly hot of late.  Yeah, that's it!". Then theres the sweet lass down at the store witb the gorgeous smile and 'come to bed with me eyes'. 

Yup, I'm only going down there in the hope I'll pluck up the courage to ask her on a date.  Yeah, sure, who am I kidding?  Truth is, it's tha damned ice.... I can't... I don't wanna live without it.

:grin: ;P :-" ;)

40,080 views 41 replies
Reply #26 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting Uvah, reply 25

Don't put the ice packs in there with you. You might get all shriveled up and stuff.
End of Uvah's quote

Who needs ice?  I'm shriveled up enough already.... which reminds me.

Hehe, I was having trouble with my willy so went to the doctor.  He said: now pull down your pants and let me see if I can ascertain what the problem is."

I did as he asked and he quipped: "Ah! Yes!!!  I see what the problem is.  You've grown a second navel where your willy's supposed to be."

:-" ;P :grin: :rofl:

 

Reply #27 from WinCustomize Forums Top

:rofl: :rofl:

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Reply #28 from WinCustomize Forums Top

That's the thing with old age, growth AND shrinkage.  While yer belly grows, yer willy shrinks and around 60 - 65, you see yer willy for the last time.... unless you stand naked in front of the mirror. 

And that in itself can be risky.... a shattered mirror and 7 years bad luck.  I mean, you're in yer twilight years and there may not be too many left, so a peek at yer willy in the mirror could be a costly one.  Not only do you have to buy a new bathroom mirror, you inadvertantly bemoan of the situation to your insurance broker and yer medical and funeral insurance premiums double as a result.

It's said that by 60 -65 you have a wealth of worldy knowledge, which mentally is fine, but unless you can afford Viagra alot of that knowledge is uselss.  Another thing about all that accumulated knowledge is remembering it.  I took to using a diary-like book to note the key points to jog my memory, it's just remembering where I last put it.

Thing is, there are some advantages to getting old... like young people on a full bus offering you their seat when they see your grey hair and white beard. 

Hehe, if I'd have nown that I'd have dyed 'em years ago. :grin:

Reply #29 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Willy is a horse that can't get up therefore it can't get out. Back in the day no problem but at 63 its just a fantasy looking for a place to happen...maybe.  :P

Reply #30 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 28

 yer willy shrinks and around 60 - 65, you see yer willy for the last time.... unless you stand naked in front of the mirror.
End of starkers's quote

You should see it at 72. The mirror doesn't even help.

Reply #31 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting DaveBax, reply 30


Quoting starkers,
reply 28

 yer willy shrinks and around 60 - 65, you see yer willy for the last time.... unless you stand naked in front of the mirror.



You should see it at 72. The mirror doesn't even help.

End of DaveBax's quote

What you mean is that you can't see it AT ALL.... even with the mirror AND a powerful magnifying glass.

Yeah, it's getting that way.  At first I thought it was my eyesight, and was sort of saddened that it checked out to be fairly good.  I mean, I was happy that I can still see pretty well, it just meant that my willy's definitely shrunk with age.

I once heard that it's a specific gene that causes willy shrinkage as you get older, not that I'm too sure on that one, but if it is true, why don't it work on me belly as well?

:rofl:

Reply #32 from WinCustomize Forums Top

When I go to the bathroom I carry a pair of tweezers. When I'm ready I yell snakes and wait for it to pop out.

Reply #33 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Nah, me, well I take the tweezers and some black pepper to coax willy out.  Yup, I have the tweezers at the ready, and when it sneezes....

Well you get the picture. :rofl:

Hehe, which reminds me!  I have a sign above the toilet which says, among other things: "Guys please stand closer - It may be shorter than you think."

Another one was way up over the urinal at a place I once worked.  It said: "What are you looking up here for... you that ashamed of it?"

"Oh, and PS, your shoes are getting wet."

And no, I didn't write it.  In fact, I wish that I'd have thought of it.   No, like my sign in my loo, it was a little wooden plaque that you can buy in novelty shops... which now makes me think!  Was the person who bought it for me trying to tell me something?

:grin: :-" ;P

Reply #34 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 33

Was the person who bought it for me trying to tell me something?
End of starkers's quote

Ummm......ya think.  :rofl:

Reply #35 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Ya know how yer fingers and stuff get wrinkly when you've been in the bath?

Well now you know why I quit taking a bath... the aforementioned isue is quite bad enough without my needlessly exacerbating the problem.

Yup, a 10 minute shower is more than ample... there's no submergence. :-"

Reply #36 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Wow I'm gonna turn 52 in a couple days, how you guys are talking I might as well hang myself now. 8C :rofl:

Reply #37 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting starkers, reply 35

Ya know how yer fingers and stuff get wrinkly when you've been in the bath?

Well now you know why I quit taking a bath... the aforementioned isue is quite bad enough without my needlessly exacerbating the problem.
End of starkers's quote

Quoting starkers, reply 28

While yer belly grows, yer willy shrinks and around 60 - 65, you see yer willy for the last time
End of starkers's quote

I like to take baths in Miracle 2 soap. I find it refreshing and amazingly no wrinkles. Bathing is a nice way of relaxing and also give plenty of opportunity to see yer willy dancing in the water. Based on the depressing comments above, this alone may be reason to take a bath. :thumbsup:

Reply #38 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting anotherside, reply 37

willy dancing in the water
End of anotherside's quote

Is that where willy nilly comes from? :P

Reply #39 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Quoting ALMonty, reply 36

Wow I'm gonna turn 52 in a couple days, how you guys are talking I might as well hang myself now. 8C :rofl:
End of ALMonty's quote

Don't worry too much about it just yet.  You've got a few more years to go, and then you might find the opposite has occurred.... where gravity has had an effect and yer knees get bruised.

Besides, it's all a bit of a joke, really.... just another way that we can laugh at ourselves. :rofl:

 

Quoting anotherside, reply 37

Bathing is a nice way of relaxing and also give plenty of opportunity to see yer willy dancing in the water. Based on the depressing comments above, this alone may be reason to take a bath.
End of anotherside's quote

I like to relax in a radox bath, myself, just to wind down from the day and feel refreshed.  As I said above, it's just joking around and lightening the mood.

Reply #40 from WinCustomize Forums Top

Chuckle chuckle yuk yuk.....c'mon folks. LYA'sO

:rofl: :P