Military Composition Breakdown

If you mean how many ship of what type, yes. For the entire game, just put your cursor over the fleet supply display and it will show how many of every ship you control and how much fleet supply they take up. For each planet, just use the empire tree with stacking on.

The empire tree on the left hand side of the screen gives you a per planet breakdown.  If you put your cursor over the command usage, it will give you a breakdown of all your units in all gravity wells.

what is the upgrade that lets you send resources to your allies?

It's in the diplomacy tech tree.  It's named differently for each faction, and requires as a prerequisite the technology that allows you to offer missions.  If you don't have the Diplomacy expansion pack, you don't need to research anything in order to do this.