Welcome to Solomon-27
A new blog site for men to discuss issues of parenting, marriage and walking with God
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Men,
In our recent attempts to create a dialogue about men's issues in general and men's spiritual journey in particular, it became obvious that simply making a bigger and bigger email list is not practical. This blog site will allow us to come in and review the articles and comments and respond accordingly. For the time being, everyone who wants to participate will have to register in order to be able to respond to the various articles, comments, etc. Just for fun, I am going to try to paste in part of a recent email to see if I can figure out how to make this work.
This is the word from Don Ellis
Jeff (and All),
Thanks for the invitation to participate in this and other exchanges. I'm sure it will provide a unique venue (even through the distance) that can not be found in my present (or future for that matter) environment because of the unique backgrounds of the men listed. A forum like this would have been very useful for me earlier in my life when I made the solo trek west to California (a place to drop a thought while transitioning to a climate very different from one I was accustomed).
For those of you who don't know me (and that is most) I happen to be a black guy. Having conveyed that I believe I can provide some input from an up and close perspective on this first topic. Early in my years I've lived primarily within the Black community (in High School my family moved to a mixed environment, which over the years has turned into a Black community). I mention this only to say I've watch the dilemma up close. I'll very sketching touch on the effects of role models (or there absence) in the lives of three guys that I know personally (myself, a cousin, and a nephew).
Let's start with me. I'm consider myself some where in the middle. I've experience the benefits of having male role models, while also experiencing the consequences of not having them at times when I needed them (later in life). Though my Dad wasn't the most interactive Dad in the world he did in the end provide me with many fundamentally necessary things like a respect for authority (which he was in our house), and others. My Dad passed away when I was twenty-seven and looking back in hind sight I now realize the role of male modeling doesn't end when your kids leave the home or graduate from college. There where so many tough juncture later on in life where I could have used his input and had to go it entirely alone. Today I have significant kinks in my amour because of it. It's funny how in our late teens and early twenties we are trying so hard to get away from our parents (even believing that they provided little value), then we wake up later only to realize the incredible value they did provide (in some cases by just being there). I've had a good life but never really tapped into my potential (early on I was frequently told I had a lot of promise by bosses and the likes). In the end I've ended up just to the right of average when I could have done more (we're talking relatively speaking here).
The next example is one of my cousins. Mark happens to be the son of my uncle Joe. My uncle Joe happens to be a very strong and successful man (when I was in High School he was the Northeast regional manager of Jack in the Box and later went on to run his own business). He was tall and winsome and certain (he had a very strong presence about him). Both Mark and his brother has that same manner about themselves. Both graduated from college and are doing very well with a lot of upside to them. They to are very certain minded men and will most certainly live to their potential.
Now to my nephew, Charles. Charles Dad and my sister divorced when he was a toddler. My sister did the best she could in raising her two kids (building a life from little and on her own). She was very protective of Charles to a fault. Though Charles had role models (they were not close enough or right there). Today he and his wife has a family of four girls. Charles went to school and got a degree in math but even with the education he is a man who is struggling terribly. You see him and you see a man desperately looking for answers. Charles illustrates that role models are only as effective as they are close. The role models can't be a relative three thousand miles away (though that does provide something, which is better than nothing).
I'm not done with this (and would like to continue) but I must go (I'm in the middle of a move). In summary I'm not sure where the answers lie? I am convinced apart from rebuilding the push toward the old family structure every attempt to deal with the problem will only be band-aids. Until then the bandages do stop the bleeding and maintains some form of life. Organizations like the Navigators have provided great assistance to me in my current well being (and provided motivation for me through the hardships of life) but they could never completely replace the void that the absence of a Dad creates.
Take care for now,
Don
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