Mobile Phone Madness
A 21st Century syndrome
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
I’ve noticed a new, rather disturbing modern day syndrome. I’m concerned as there seems to be an increasingly large amount of the population suffering from this condition. “What is it?” I hear you ask in a desperate, paranoid tone. It is a syndrome I call MPB or Mobile Phone Blindness.
The poor sufferers of this syndrome are so unfortunate as to not even be aware they’re suffering from it. They look and act like regular members of the populace until they get a mobile phone in their hands. This is when the syndrome becomes active.
One suffering this condition loses all sense of space, of propriety, of manners and decorum. They become prone to walking into people and objects while busily writing text messages. They forget that every word they say can be heard and blithely chat loudly on a bus to a close friend about their spouse’s gastric problems or about their latest operation while in the middle of a busy restaurant. They also become exponentially more dangerous on the road, ignoring traffic signals, pedestrian crossings and emergency service vehicles.
This condition can occur at any time and in any location. Reports of suffers having attacks in cinemas, at live theatre and sporting events, at funerals and weddings are no longer uncommon. There is also a tendency for sufferers to verbally lash out at any who might seem to offer them some guidance or advice. In fact, in one instance, a sufferer, while madly texting an obviously important message to someone, walked into a garbage bin on the sidewalk then proceeded to lambast those within earshot for not warning her. Of course, half those around here also suffer from the same condition, so their understanding of the situation was extremely limited.
If you know a sufferer or if you see one in the throes of the condition, the only advice I can give is to avoid them at all costs. However, if you are brave enough, a swift clip under the ear usually snaps them out of their state, even if only for a short while. At least this way you will save them from walking into rush hour traffic.
The poor sufferers of this syndrome are so unfortunate as to not even be aware they’re suffering from it. They look and act like regular members of the populace until they get a mobile phone in their hands. This is when the syndrome becomes active.
One suffering this condition loses all sense of space, of propriety, of manners and decorum. They become prone to walking into people and objects while busily writing text messages. They forget that every word they say can be heard and blithely chat loudly on a bus to a close friend about their spouse’s gastric problems or about their latest operation while in the middle of a busy restaurant. They also become exponentially more dangerous on the road, ignoring traffic signals, pedestrian crossings and emergency service vehicles.
This condition can occur at any time and in any location. Reports of suffers having attacks in cinemas, at live theatre and sporting events, at funerals and weddings are no longer uncommon. There is also a tendency for sufferers to verbally lash out at any who might seem to offer them some guidance or advice. In fact, in one instance, a sufferer, while madly texting an obviously important message to someone, walked into a garbage bin on the sidewalk then proceeded to lambast those within earshot for not warning her. Of course, half those around here also suffer from the same condition, so their understanding of the situation was extremely limited.
If you know a sufferer or if you see one in the throes of the condition, the only advice I can give is to avoid them at all costs. However, if you are brave enough, a swift clip under the ear usually snaps them out of their state, even if only for a short while. At least this way you will save them from walking into rush hour traffic.
! 
