Life isn't Fair

Life can be so unfair. It just doesn't make sense.

I believe that multiple lifetimes and re-incarnations balance out bad lives. It makes things fair at the end of the day. I also believe that we choose to come down here, from Heaven, not unlike we would choose to take a trip to the gym. I think that life only seems unfair when it's seen through the perspective of a finite mind, which assumes that we only live once and that this life is the be all and end all.

My wife walked into my office this morning bothered and announced Dana Reeves passed. Even though she didn't say what you have, her face reflected the same feelings, and so did I moments later.

I can only hope that after all the trauma their teenage son has endured, he builds upon his trials and tribulations as he grows into a larger then life leader.

I don't know why stuff happens, Jill.  I don't know why people who haven't done anything wrong in their lives end up losing everything they own to a fluke accident; I don't know why children who haven't had a malicious thought in their entire short lives have to suffer through cancers and other horrific diseases.  I just don't know why.  The concept of free will that christianity peddles just doesn't cut it sometimes, you know? (and please delete that last sentence if you feel it's going to take this thread in the wrong direction.  I won't be offended at all)

I do think that it's not what happens to you that matters; it's how you deal with it that really counts. Not comforting to hear when you're dealing with a tragedy or a crisis, but....I really do think it's true.

I agree that life isn't fair and that it sucks sometimes. I guess it's the age old question of why do bad things happen to good people? I guess that is what makes me believe in God (or a higher power) and life after death. It helps me to think that there is an ultimate justice. That at some point all the people who have hurt other people will be punished. And those who helped other people will be rewarded.

I question. I don't accept all Catholic, Christian teachings. Mainly for that reason. I don't think it's fair to say that because Gahndi wasn't a Christian he doesn't deserve a spot in heaven. And at times I don't even know that there is a heaven or hell.

I agree with dharma. You have to play the hand you're dealt. You can let a tragedy ruin you and make you a bitter, miserable person or you can handle it with grace and find a way to move past it.

AndyB, very thought provoking philosophy you have there.

Titan, I only hope their son can manage a happy life in whatever he does. I don't think there should be any pressure on him to do anything other than that.

dharma and Loca, Dana was truly an excellent example of someone who did the best anyone could with what they were dealt. She once said of Chris' situation that they could wallow in the tragedy of it or they could create a new, different life. Of course they did the latter. She was the epitomy of grace and dignity. That is why I find her story so incredibly heart breaking.

I want to believe that people will get what they deserve one way or another after death but I am left feeling like that is exactly why religion was created, to help people make sense out of something that makes no sense.

A long time ago, when bad things happened to me, I made the decision to stop asking "why me?"

Now I ask, "Why NOT me?"

Why not (out of all the people in the world) shouldn't that happen to me?  What makes me think I deserve better?  I may not be a "bad" person, but I would submit I haven't done anything so wonderfully awesome that fate should skip past me when bad things are dealt.

 

 

Tova, do you really honestly think you would have that attitude if you were in Dana's shoes? I am willing to bet not. She was married only 3yrs when Christoper became paralyzed. She redefined her life and went on only to find out she had lung cancer a mere 2yrs after losing him. I can't imagine anyone in her shoes thinking they didn't deserve better than that.

No matter how deep you go....God is deeper still.

Corrie Ten Boom

I wish God helped me make sense of it but he hasn't. I heard an interview with one of Dana's friends last night and she said that right up until the end that Dana found peace in feeling that the tragedy in her life was balanced by the incredible things she experienced. What an incredible lady!

A long time ago, when bad things happened to me, I made the decision to stop asking "why me?" Now I ask, "Why NOT me?" Why not (out of all the people in the world) shouldn't that happen to me? What makes me think I deserve better? I may not be a "bad" person, but I would submit I haven't done anything so wonderfully awesome that fate should skip past me when bad things are dealt.

INDEED, why NOT you? or me? or anyone? that's the way it goes, and it stinks.
I learned this with the first heart attack. I couldn't figure it out at first, why me Lord?

Why do innocent people get hit head on by drunk drivers, taking out a whole family or a beloved wife or husband. Is it fate? destiny? God's plan? I don't think that for a second a loving God would have a drunk take out a valued and loved family member.

Life isn't fair. Period. I think any of us would do the best we could if we were in Dana's shoes. She was admirable yes, and it's a real loss for the world as well as a horrid tragedy for her son, yet he's inbued with his parents great attitudes and I think he will be fine.

I think any of us would do the best we could if we were in Dana's shoes

What other choice would you have?

Is it fate? destiny? God's plan? I don't think that for a second a loving God would have a drunk take out a valued and loved family member.

No, I don't either. It doesn't make sense. It just makes me angry. I have known too many wonderful people who have suffered terribly and died far too young while some of the most vile beings live a long happy life. It isn't fair and it simply sucks.

Why is it some of the biggest monsters around can crank out baby after baby only to abuse them and some of the most loving people who would make the world's best parents are unable to conceive? These are the types of things in life that deter me from believing in a personal God. I can't accept that a God who is there with us always would allow these things to happen. I can see giving us little struggles to overcome and learn from. But stuff like babies suffering their short lived lives shouldn't happen.

Life isn't fair, I know. It's the getting used to it part that I have trouble with.

Life isn't fair, I know. It's the getting used to it part that I have trouble with

right,  isn't fair,  and most if not all of us have a difficult time with getting used to that idea.

Maybe if one takes the attitude of "making the most of everything",  if one tries to use the lemons to make lemonade,  then the best outcome,  the best possible thing can result from tragedy,  crisis,  what I'm trying to say is when faced with

adverstiy,  then turn it around so it doesn't win!  That's what Danna did!    she used her Chris's accident, along with him, to help others.  That's how to beat it!   not easy though,  easier to say than do

Reply By: JillUser	Posted: Wednesday, March 08, 2006
I think any of us would do the best we could if we were in Dana's shoes What other choice would you have?

I think we have many, many choices.  We could choose to use alcohol, drugs, we could choose to linger in the grief,  not coming out into the world,  I think most of us choose to forge on, forward with our lives, and it isn't easy.

Tova, do you really honestly think you would have that attitude if you were in Dana's shoes?

I don't know Jill since I am not in her shoes.

I do believe we are all gonna die, and most of us aren't gonna die painlessly in our beds from old age.

When I hear about Dana I think of my aunt who right this minute has lung cancer. She has done as much as Dana, imho, with a lot less resources.

Not that its a competition, just wanted to let you know I am close to this sort of situation.

I don't like that Dana died or my aunt will die from lung cancer. But I can't bring myself to attach fairness to it.

Does that make sense?

And I'd just like to add I am GLAD life isn't fair.

Not in situations like Dana, but I have often been thankful when acting the jerk, for not getting "what I deserve and what would be considered fair."

I think you can't question why me when something goes wrong if you don't also ask yourself why me when something goes right. Most of our lives are pretty smooth and then we face a crisis and want to know why me? We don't ask that when things are good, everyone is happy, you have money in the bank, no health problems. why me?

'God is deeper still'

WTF is that supposed to mean? That god has a plan for us all that involves cancer and tragedy and kids being in agony for their entire short lives, but that god's such a deep thinker that we can't possibly understand his plans and shouldn't even try???

That's utter bull-poo IMO. I don't want anything to do with a god that's going to treat us like his own personal ant colony and burn one of us with his celestial magnifying glass every so often, just for kicks, to keep us on our toes.

I'm so glad I'm not a christian any more.

*sorry Jill. That comment just rubbed me the wrong way*

We don't ask that when things are good, everyone is happy, you have money in the bank, no health problems. why me?

Speak for yourself. I do all the time.

I don't like that Dana died or my aunt will die from lung cancer. But I can't bring myself to attach fairness to it. Does that make sense?

No, honestly it doesn't. It doesn't make sense to me because that is the first thing I think after "how horrible!". But like I said, I also ask why I deserve what I have all the time too.

That god has a plan for us all that involves cancer and tragedy and kids being in agony for their entire short lives, but that god's such a deep thinker that we can't possibly understand his plans and shouldn't even try???

I had a similar thought. It all just seems like lame attempts at justifying somethiing we don't understand. Something that doesn't make any sense. Just sweep it under the rug with a "everything happens for a higher reason" excuse. I'm happy for anyone who finds comfort that easily. I surely don't.

Tradegy and sucess, why do bad things happen to good people? Why do bad things happen at all?

That's utter bull-poo IMO. I don't want anything to do with a god that's going to treat us like his own personal ant colony and burn one of us with his celestial magnifying glass every so often, just for kicks, to keep us on our toes.

I don't think it's like that, that he does this "for kicks". A higher purpose, a higher reason? A reason that is uncomprehendable to us. Yes, I would believe that, rather than just randomness. It's far too easy to believe that everything good/bad just happens and there is no reason, then to actually think of a grander plan then what we have in mind. It's not something unquestionable, it's not something you can't think and wonder why do these things happen? Because, I often wondered myself why do tradegies occur?

Why did Reeve have his accident? Why did his wife have to suffer with Lung Cancer? I don't have an answer for those things. Is it just malice and hatred? No, I don't believe so. Is it random? Could be but I don't believe in just randomness. There is an order to life, an occurance of events that shapes into a pattern. To be less obscure events lead into lessons and lessons are things learned.

What can we learn about tradegy? That we can appreaciate each moment of life.

What can we learn about tradegy? That we can appreaciate each moment of life.

Only the survivors get a chance to learn that lesson though.

BTW, I don't find it easy to believe things happen for no reason. It is hard. It is painful but it sure seems real to me. It is easier, IMO to believe that it is all for a purpose that I just don't understand. That is called hope. I understand hope. I don't know how people who go through tragedy day in and day out would function without it. It still doesn't make sense and it isn't fair.

Satan causes the tragedies to happen. This is so that people will react the way that some of you have.

I don't want anything to do with a god that's going to treat us like his own personal ant colony and burn one of us with his celestial magnifying glass every so often, just for kicks, to keep us on our toes.

That's exactly the reaction Satan wants from you. Don't feel bad, he's very good at deception. Also, people cause tragedies to happen as well. People were given the gift of free will from God, but so was Satan. So, God has to allow some scope of activity from him, just as he does from us.
However, every time a tragedy occurs, God kicks into action, too, and brings some kind of good out of it. A lot of times the good isn't seen beyond the people involved in it, but it's always there, and it's always greater than whatever evil came about.
I was aiming for an explanation, but if this is too on the preachy side for you, I won't be offended if you delete it. It's your blog, after all!

I was aiming for an explanation, but if this is too on the preachy side for you, I won't be offended if you delete it. It's your blog, after all!

It was bordering on preachy for me but this shows your intent and I appreciate that. The 'Satan did it' explaination doesn't work for me any more than the 'everything happens for a reason' line. I'm well aware of the christian explainations though so anyone else who feels they need to "explain" that form of explaination to me can save their time.

I am happy for anyone who takes comfort in their religion in situations like this. I personally think that is what organized religion is for. It doesn't work for me and, although many of you might conclude it is just because I don't know any better, I've read the bible, I've had the debates, I'm still unfulfilled.

Like I said though, I didn't post this in religion so please try to stick to how you feel rather than telling me Satan did it and I'm just falling into his trap or that I shouldn't question God's plan for us. I respect that people believe those things but I preempted those discussions by stating that they don't work for me.

After years in the church, and years out, and various and sundry tragedies, I have come to the conclusion that this isn't something that doesn't make sense. It makes perfect sense. It was kind of an epiphany, but I finally asked myself, "What gives you the idea that this stuff is wrong, or unfair?"

I couldn't come up with an answer. I can't think of a single source that tells me things are going to go well. I can't think of anywhere I got the idea that I was supposed to live to a ripe old age. If you look at nature, what we go through is normal, but when we look at ourselves, it's unfair.

In terms of God, my conclusion is God doesn't allow bad things to happen to good people. We've just IMPOSED our idea that these things are bad. In reality they are natural. As mortal beings we are afraid of them, as we should be, and we strive to live as long as we can. As thinking creatures, though, I think if we look at everything as a whole, and see ourselves as a part of it, we're just living natural lives like every other creature on earth.

I think the problem is when we shake our fist at the sky and demand to know why God allowed bad things to happen, we're seeing things as 'bad', when they are just normal occurances. People do heinous things, sure, within the bounds of free will. I think in terms of natural tragedy, though, we have to accept that if God made the world, and God is perfect, then our concept of death and dying being 'wrongs' might not be accurate.

All the imposition of original sin and satan and the rest are just bandaids that don't explain why a loving God would allow such "bad" things to happen. In reality, you don' tneed them if these things aren't "bad".

It was kind of an epiphany, but I finally asked myself, "What gives you the idea that this stuff is wrong, or unfair?"

I had the same one except it wasn't as long. I asked why SHOULDN'T these things happen to me, because like you I see it as fairly "natural."