16 Ways of Knowing You're in the Desert You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. You can say 110 degrees without fainting. You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off. You can make instant sun tea. You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. You di
Top Signs You're At A Bad Motel The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died. The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it. The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic. There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow The pictures are not
Murphy Laws For Frequent Flyers No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in th
A hindu priest, rabbi and a lawyer were driving down the road, when the car breaks down. Fortunately finding a farmhouse nearby, the farmer informed them that he had only one spare room, and that it had only two twin beds. They were welcome to it, but one of them had to sleep in the barn. After much discussion, the hindu volunteered to go to the barn. A few m
A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo-of handcuffs.
13969104_2007030511254229773400.jpg ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡Spokesman Jiang Enzhu speaks during the first press conference on the Fifth Session of the Tenth National People's Congress (NPC) which was held at the Great Hall of the People in Beijing March 4, 2007. [Xinhua] ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡The country has no intention of engaging in an arms race, although its military spe
A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?" "We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!" "TWA?" exclaimed the barber
One day a lady was driving on the Highway. She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror, much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She thought to herself, "Uh-oh, what have I done now? I'm not
A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey. <!
We do not advise following any of the below driving rules to any extent. Driving should be taken seriously at all times. The below jokes are simply here for entertainment purposes. When using a metered entrance ramp, vehicles in the carpool lane do not need to stop. Similarly, vehicles NOT in the diamond lane also do not need to stop. If, at any tim
Martin had just received his brand new drivers license. The family troops out to the driveway, and climbs in the car, where he is going to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately heads for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the fr
A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking
AUDI Accelerates Under Demonic Influence Always Unsafe Designs Implemented All Un-informed Drivers Insulted All Unnecessary Devices Installed BMW Big Money Works Bought My Wife Brutal Money Waster BUICK Big Ugly Indestructable Car Killer CHEVROLET Can Hear Ev
One day a man took the train from Paris to Frankfurt. When he got in he said to the ticket man: "Sir. I really need you to do me a favor, I have to get down this train in Mannheim, but I'm very tired and it is for sure that I will fall asleep. So what I want you to do is that you wake me up in Mannheim because I have to close a business there and it is very
One afternoon, a man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. "Why are you eating grass?", he asked one man. "We don't have any money for food.", The poor man replied. "Oh, come along with me then." "But sir, I have a wife with t
13865183_348397.jpg ¡¡¡¡"Lu Da Gong" (a Beijing-style dessert), is translated into "rolling donkey" on the menu of some restaurants. ¡¡¡¡ 13865183_200701090951578465700.jpg ¡¡¡¡"Ma Po Dou Fu" (one of the most famous Sichuan dishes) is translated into "beancurd made by a pockmarked woman" on the menu of some restaurants. ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡BEIJI
JINAN, Jan. 7 (Xinhua) -- More than 759,230 suspects were convicted in China in the January-November period last year, while a relatively small number -- 1,464 people -- were found innocent, according to supreme court statistics released on Saturday. The convicted number rose 4.3 percent from the same period in 2005, and crime cases handled in courts also
'Twas the night after Christmas and all through the trailer, the beer had gone flat and the pizza was staler. The tube socks hung empty, no candies or toys and I was camped out on my old Lay-Z-Boy. The kids they weren't talking to me or my wife, the worst Christmas they said they had had in their lives. My wife couldn't argue and neither could I, so I w
Q: What do elves learn in school? A: The Elf-abet! Q: What's the most popular wine at Christmas? A: "I don't like sprouts" ! Q: If athletes get athletes foot, what do astronauts get? A: Missletoe! Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? A: Frostbite. Q: Why was Santa's little helper depre
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man began, "I can explain." "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But, officer, I just wanted to say," "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" <
BEIJING, Dec. 20 (Xinhuanet) -- Want to see a 60-year-old actor beat the hell out of a world heavyweight boxing champion 40 years his junior? 11020310_1166583780603_1.jpg Sylvester Stallone, star of the film "Rocky Balboa," poses with actress Talia Shire (center) who plays his wife in the Rocky movies, and his wife Jennifer Flavin at the premiere of
A police officer had just pulled a car over. When he walked up to the car a man rolled down the window and said, "what's the problem officer?" To which the policeman responded, "I stopped you for running that red light behind you." Just then the man's wife leaned forward from the driver's seat and said with a very loud voice, "I told him to stop at that light. But did
The following are a sampling of real answers received on exams given by the California Department of Transportation's driving school. Q: Do you yield when a blind pedestrian is crossing the road? A: What for? He can't see my license plate. Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time? A: The pick up tru
Miss USA Tara Conner reacts after being named a semi-finalist during the Miss Universe 2006 Pageant at the Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles July 23, 2006. (Xinhua/Reuters Photo) ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡ 13819421_200612181352033100200.jpg ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡ ¡¡¡¡Tara Conner, Miss USA, may lose her Miss Universe title due to "inappropriate behaviour". ¡¡¡¡ ¡
Driving to work, a gentlman had to swerve to avoid a box that fell out of a truck in front of him. Seconds later, a policeman pulled him over for reckless driving. Fortunately, another officer had seen the carton in the road. The policmen stopped traffic and recovered the box. It was found to contain large upholstery tacks. "I'm sorry sir," the first trooper
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