Dharma's driving rant

from JoeUser Forums

(I've been brewing this article for a while, but was finally spurred into writing it by an incident this afternoon)

*these are in no particular order, just as they come to me*

Women in minivans who drive insanely fast around parking lots just so's they can get a spot that's a whole 10 feet closer to the store entrance.  Matter of fact, anyone who does that.  But women in minivans seem to be the worst.

Women in minivans who can break the speed limit in parking lots but who cannot seem to do any faster than 'crawl' on 2 lane highways with no passing zones. 

People who stop in the middle of traffic circles to let traffic enter.  People entering the circle are the ones who yield, NOT the ones on the damn circle!!!!!!!!! There's a circle that I have to navigate when I go to the doctor's office, and I always, always, always get behind someone who comes to a dead stop on the circle so they can let someone on. 

People who don't seem to understand what interstate entrance ramps are for.  They're long like that so's you can get up to speed, folks.  Not for doing 15 mph on.  Also, you're supposed to YIELD to traffic that's already ON the road.  You do NOT get to threaten to sideswipe other cars already on the road, forcing them to come to a screeching halt in order to avoid a collision....and then you do NOT have the right to give the person you almost hit the finger!!!!!!!!!!!!  That's NOT HOW IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!

Little old ladies who come to a complete stop in the right hand lane of the interstate to let people on.  THAT"S NOT HOW IT WORKS!!!!!!!!!!!

People who pull into the left hand lane to pass slower moving traffic and then do 1/2 a mph faster than the traffic that they're passing.....and who continue to do that speed despite having seen the mile long tailback they've caused in their rear-view mirror.

Truckers who pull in behind me , doing about 70 mph and leaving about 6' between the rear end of my truck and their front bumper.  Dudes, d'you realize how much weight you've got there, and how much of a mess it'd make if I had to brake hard???  There wouldn't be anything left of me, my kids, or my truck if you hit me.  You make me very nervous when you do stuff like that, pally.  Matter of fact, some of you guys make me nervous ALL the time.  Some of you drive like you're driving a little Neon with an anorexic teenager in the driver's seat, when in reality you have thousands of pounds of metal and man and cargo, all of it travelling at a high rate of speed.  Scary.  Very scary.  Especially for me.  I've been up close and personal with the front end of one of y'alls rigs, and I have no desire to do it again.  Ever.

Women who try to apply makeup on the road. 

People who read books whilst driving.  I've actually seen this.  I saw a man in St Louis with a paperback leant up against the steering wheel happily going along a 6 lane highway, getting his fill of Anne Rice or whoever it was he was reading.  Incredibly stupid.  M-O-R-O-N.

Anyone who thinks it's okay to talk on a cell phone (without a hands-free headset), drink coffee, eat a bagel and do 75 mph on I-64 at 8am on a Friday morning, all the while weaving in and out of lanes with no turn signal or indication of what they were going to do, and who cut across THREE (yes, THREE) lanes to get to their exit.  If you're the chick with bleached blonde straw-like hair and orange fake-tan skin who I saw doing that ....lady, if I ever see you in public I'm going to kick your ass, and you'd deserve it because you're fekking stupid. 

*sigh* That's all I have to say about that. I feel better now.

 

 

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humor
13,282 views 14 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
If you can smoke a cigarette, drink a beer, nurse a baby and drive a stick shift at the same time, then you just might be a redneck.
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

I agree with your entire rant except technically people on entrance ramps on the interstate have the right of way.  It is actually the responsibility of traffic to allow them to merge.  However, you are soooo right about them needing to get up to speed!  That drives me insane!  And I totally don't understand the people who stop to let people merge.  Either speed up a little to get ahead of them or change lanes!

As for the parking lot, I had a very close call with an old man who cam flying straight across the parking places of a parking lot, not the driving lane but across the parking places and came inches from Tboning me.  I slammed on my brakes and laid on the horn and he actually gave me the bird and called me a couple of choice words.  I pointed out that he was actually driving in a parking spot and I was driving in a driving lane.  His wife called him an asshole, looked totally embarrassed and he continued to roar across the parking lot.

I hope you find the blonde bimbo

Start11 - Customize the Start Menu and Taskbar in Windows 10/11.
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
That's it Dharma....Let the rant floooooooooowww!

Feels pretty good eh?
Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Either speed up a little to get ahead of them or change lanes!


Exactly. There's ways to let people on, and they don't have to involve coming to a complete halt.
I didn't know that about the merging lanes.....I always feel bad when I absolutely cannot let people on because I've got traffic to the side of me and no way to slow down without getting rear-ended.

People who veer across parking lots like that piss me off too. I'm the one who drives in the lanes like you, and they always seem to think I'm in the wrong!!

I hope I find that chick too. I'll take pictures if I do........
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top

Right on!  Damn yes! 

I met 2 of them today!

jerks!

Want some Chocolate?

Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top

I met 2 of them today!
jerks!
Want some Chocolate?

Really?  Do tell! Matter of fact, if anyone has their own rant, feel free to let it out here.  There's no judgement or condemnation, just acceptance and agreement on this thread.

 

Unless you're the fake tanned blonde dumbass, of course.  Then all bets are off.

I have cadbury's fruit and but right in front of me, and it is GOOD!!!

Feels pretty good eh?

Why yes.....yes it does!

Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top

Unless you're the fake tanned blonde dumbass, of course. Then all bets are off.

Hmm,let me check (blonde - nope. Tanned - kind of, but not fake. Dumbass - Well, often).

Ok, grab that stupid dumbass and shake that fake tan off her/him!  No, do it again!

The second was cus I cant grab them.  Thanks!  I needed that.

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
Ok I am one of those mini van women now....but not blond lately so it wasn't me.

I have a BAD habit of pulling into a parking space, and then up to the empty one in front of it. That way I don't have to back out. I read once that backing out causes tons of accidents, so I figure no backing is a good thing.

The problem is, often as I am pulling up into the spot someone else is trying to pull into it. Just happened today. They cuss and get all mad, and I suppose they are justified. But I still get the spot. So I don't care.

I drove a semi in the Air Force full of bombs and missles.....hehe. One of my many duties. And I know what you are talking about when you worry about semi drivers. But I think most of them (I hope) are professional drivers. I see lots of wrecks on the highway, and rarely do the ones I see involve a semi.

Of course I understand you saw one in the worst possible way.

How do you keep from shaking when a semi is baring down on you?

I don't know if I'd ever drive again after a wreck that bad.
Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
You go girl!

I could have written up just about any of those as some of my favorites rants also...

I would add in "idiots that drive 60 mph in a small trailer park just to get to the next stop sign" (though invariably they are ready to run that sign to get to the main highway where they can join the rest of the rats in the bigger race....)

Way too many idiots have a license to drive, or are driving on the roads without one. I'd love to be a traffic cop on more than the odd occassion. I'd be handing out paying paper like crazy for a bunch of idiots -- including perhaps the one that went zipping by me on a single lane road that I was already going 10 - 15mph faster than posted speed on today. Passed me in a blatant no passing zone, and then proceeded to go about 2 mph faster than I had been driving only to find himself stuck behind much slower traffic once he got to the traffic circle that lets people heading to the big city merge together. It was actually enjoyable watching Mr. Passer stuck in the traffic for the next 10 miles.
(Though I also admit to being pretty pissed at the idiot in the little blue Toyota that was so busy yakking on his cell phone that he had caused the backup we were both stuck in. He had slowed down to about 5 MPH under posted speed limit and drove that way while on the phone the entire time. Apparently just as we were getting to the big city he hung up and started driving like he knew he was actually supposed to be paying attention to the road )
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
DHARMA! YOU didn't tell me you were coming here to Minnesota! I would have warned you!

That straw bleached blond was.....well neever mind......

sorry Minnesota gave you a hard time!

isn't it something tho? I don't have a car anymore, yet on the bus I see those broads all the time swerving around in the lot at
Wal-Mart, running down little old ladies, scaring kids, shaking up teenagers that are talking on their cellphones, why it's a mess out
there!

Come live up where I am, it's so quiet you can hear the grass grow, in summer of course, and the traffic is relaxed and real slow
however it IS a retirement community..........hehee, no fun around here!

I could use some chocolate myself
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
People who stop in the middle of traffic circles to let traffic enter

One of the most dangerous (and unfortunately most common) mistakes that drivers can make is to give up their "right of way". Under almost no circumstances should this be done. The favour that you are doing = the life that you may be taking.

People who don't seem to understand what interstate entrance ramps are for.

They're not called "acceleration" lanes for nothing!
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
Semi drivers scare me. I knew a guy once who had a commercial license to drive a tractor trailer truck. He shouldn't have been given a license to drive a Ford Escort, let alone a huge rig. He was the cause of several accidents, ended up in court twice, and STILL holds a CDL. Yeah.. scares the crap outta ME. I don't know how you do it, K... I'm afraid if I'd been in your accident, I couldn't even drive on a highway, let alone mix and mingle with the big machines. I guess necessity (and a heck of a lot of courage and tenacity) brings us to do things we might otherwise not. More power to ya, woman... rant away!
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top

Ok, grab that stupid dumbass and shake that fake tan off her/him! No, do it again!
The second was cus I cant grab them. Thanks! I needed that.

There wouldn't be much shaking.  I grew up with 2 brothers - I don't fight like a sissy.  I also have some experience in tackling and cuffing people who can't behave, so whilst I may not be the strongest person in the world and I can't guarantee that I can kick EVERYone's ass......I know where to hit to make it hurt.  And leave marks.

I have a BAD habit of pulling into a parking space, and then up to the empty one in front of it. That way I don't have to back out. I read once that backing out causes tons of accidents, so I figure no backing is a good thing

I do the same if the spaces are straight on, but if they're angled it's not only a pain in the ass but dangerous. 

I'd love to be a traffic cop on more than the odd occassion. I'd be handing out paying paper like crazy

Oh heck yes.....I'd LOVE to be a cop some days.  I'd be ticketing people left right and center!

 

It was actually enjoyable watching Mr. Passer stuck in the traffic for the next 10 miles.

Isn't it sweet when that happens?  We did that a few weeks ago with some silly cow who cut in front of us to go around a slow moving truck.  She got back in the right lane and we pulled up next to her - and made sure we did the same speed as the vehicle in front of her for a couple of miles just to make a point.  Oh, it was sweet....!!!

I don't have a car anymore, yet on the bus I see those broads all the time swerving around in the lot at
Wal-Mart, running down little old ladies, scaring kids, shaking up teenagers that are talking on their cellphones,

Yeah, I know.  I think they're America's deadliest weapon.

They're not called "acceleration" lanes for nothing!

THANK YOU!!!!  I'm SO happy you said that!  Now I know that I'm not the only one in the world who knows what they're for!!

He was the cause of several accidents, ended up in court twice, and STILL holds a CDL

See, I don't understand how people like that can get insurance and why the courts let them keep their license.  What's it going to take to get them off the road?  Someone's death?

I don't know how you do it, K... I'm afraid if I'd been in your accident, I couldn't even drive on a highway, let alone mix and mingle with the big machines. I guess necessity (and a heck of a lot of courage and tenacity) brings us to do things we might otherwise not.

That's pretty much it.  I HAD to drive, there wasn't anyone else who could.  I still have bad days and I still get a little freaked out - there was a day a few weeks ago where the weather was exactly like it was the day of the accident and I was in town trying to get home.  I called Dave and cried for half an hour before I could get up the courage to drive.  Movies and TV bother me too.  We were at the movies for our anniversary and one of the trailers had a scene where truck was coming right at you...that reduced me to shakes and tears too.  I guess that's why I'm so furious at the way some truckers drive now - because I know what kind of damage they can do.

Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top
Sounds like these people were 'driving' you to distraction (bad pun, I know but I couldn't help it). Hope you're feeling better now you've got this off your chest.