Customer: “It’s so loud in here!”

Me: “I know right? Christmas is crazy for us every year.”

Customer: “It’s so loud, why do people have to talk so loudly?”

Me: “Sorry sir, it’s just because there’s so many people.”

Customer: “Forget this! I’m turning off my hearing aid. You guys should really try to keep the noise level down.”

Me: “Right you are sir! If that’ll be all, your total is ***.”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “Your total, sir? It’s ***.”

Customer: “Speak up! I can’t hear you!”

(It’s St. Patrick’s Day at an Irish pub, and I’m serving a table with ten drunken customers.)

Drunken table: “Hey! We need some more drinks over here! We’ve been waiting quite a while!”

Me: “Sure, what can I get for you!”

(They proceed to order 10 different, complex cocktail orders.)

Me: “Great, I’ll get these into the bar as soon as possible.”

(Five minutes later…)

Lady at drunken table: “Hey! We’ve been waiting for our drinks! Where the h*** are they?!”

Me: “Well, we’re pretty busy and the bar is backed up a bit. Sorry for the delay.”

Lady at drunken table: “Well, we sure aren’t impressed with the service here. My husband is a doctor, and he’s on call tonight, so we really need our drinks served promptly!”

Doctor at drunken table: “Yesshh, I need my drinksh right nooow!”