Zoo's W&W Headlines 2

from JoeUser Forums

So, for a quick warm up article I decided to steal Dr. Guy's bit again and do some headlines.  Here we go:

 

 

"Hawaiian Honeybees Threatened by Bloodsucking Parasite"--headline, FoxNews.com, Aug. 25

Oh, so honeybees started hiring lawyers?

 

"Homemade Baby Wipes Are Gentle on Baby's Tush and Your Pocketbook, Too"--headline, Star Press (Muncie, Ind.), Aug. 26

Although if your pocketbook is crapping, you've got a whole new set of problems.

 

"Confused Sea Turtles March Into Restaurant"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 18

Thought they were going to the IHOP ended up in a Denny's.

 

"Debate Coaches Lose Cool, 1 Pulls Down His Pants"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 15

Well, that's one way to end an argument.

 

"Third Donkey Found Wandering Around Tenn. Town"--headline, Associated Press, Aug. 14

Apparently you can get a fair amount of ass in Tennessee.

 

"Uncle Sam Wants Your Brain"--headline, Wired.com, Aug. 13

Shit, here come the zombies!

 

"YEMEN: Ministry Issues Warning on Maize Smut"--headline, U.N. Office for the Coordination of Humanitarian Affairs press release, Aug. 13

Yeah, baby.  Let me see those kernels.

 

"Want to Live a Long Life? Run"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 11

The hunt begins.

 

"Giant Smelly Flower Puts On Sex Show in Belgium"--headline, Reuters, Aug. 7

It's just as arousing as it sounds.

 

"Dead Man Awakens Before Autopsy, Shocks Doctors by Asking for Glass of Water"--headline, FoxNews.com, Aug. 6

Well, better than waking up after an autopsy.

 

 "Weird Tactics Can Sometimes Get You the Job"--headline, CNN.com, Aug. 4

Always have a cake to pop out of if you think the interview is going down hill.

 

"Scientists Claim Increasing World Jellyfish Population Is Bad Sign for the Planet"--headline, TheTechHerald.com, Aug. 4

The invasion of the jellied ones is nigh!

 

"Have a Conversation, With Your BlackBerry"--headline, FoxBusiness.com, July 25

It's the only thing that understands me.

 

24 Dead Ducks Found in Capitol Reflecting Pool"--headline, FoxNews.com, July 27

There was a lovely dinner that evening.

 

"Maine Governor Fears Cold Winter"--headline, Boston Globe, July 27

Someone picked the wrong state to govern.

 

 

And there ya have it.

 

~Zoo

 

16,708 views 6 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

There are some funny headlines here, Zoo. 

I have to say, though, the jellyfish one is not so funny.  Living where I do, we get a lot of Bluebottles, or Portugese Man Of War jellyfish.  These are one of the few that sting and their numbers are only getting worse.  Means the beach is off limits, unfortunately.

Reply #2 from Stardock Forums Top

I have to say, though, the jellyfish one is not so funny. Living where I do, we get a lot of Bluebottles, or Portugese Man Of War jellyfish. These are one of the few that sting and their numbers are only getting worse. Means the beach is off limits, unfortunately.
End of quote

Ah, yeah.  Sorry, mate.  Australia does have a lot of issues with jellyfish.  Do you have Irukandji where you live?  Those really tiny ones that are pretty damn toxic?

~Zoo

Offworld Trading Company
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top

"Uncle Sam Wants Your Brain"--headline, Wired.com, Aug. 13
Shit, here come the zombies!
End of quote

He has everything else already.

Love it!  Thanks for the attribution, I just have not had time to search for them lately.  But I can see you have taken the mantle and run with it! (so you are going to have a long life?) :LOL:

Reply #4 from Stardock Forums Top

Zoo, sorry, I wasn't trying to be persnickety.  We don't get the Irukandji down where I live, only the Bluebottle.  But in the tropic areas, they get Irukandji and Box Jellyfish.  The Box Jellyfish is very nasty indeed.  It can kill within minutes of being stung.

Reply #5 from Stardock Forums Top

You're back!

Reply #6 from Stardock Forums Top

 

Love it! Thanks for the attribution,
End of quote

Thanks, Doc.

Zoo, sorry, I wasn't trying to be persnickety.
End of quote

Oh, I know.  You're just pointing out stuff. :)

You're back!
End of quote

Yep, I do that sometimes. ;)

~Zoo