Friends are bad.
Chicks are expensive...so I choose men.
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Ok so here it is. I am a female and I REFUSE to associate with other females. "Why' you ask? Well, my friend, its simple. Over the course of my plentitude of years forming and dissolving relationships with people, I have come to find out a few truths.
Truth No. 1
Chicks are so freaking expensive, its unbelieveable. Let me give you an example. Today , I decided to spend a Saturday out with the girls. Woke up, got dressed and went to The Pancake House for some breakfast, $10. Then, off to get our nails done at the salon, mani and pedi combo (nails and feet for all you gents out there), $50. On with our parade of fun, we go to the movies. A whopping $8.50....maybe not alot normally, but im up to almost $70 here and its only just past noon. Next OF COURSE we have the popcorn, see i didn't want any damn popcorn, but when one little cunt mentions " Hey lets split a bucket" I dont want to look like a cheap ass. Well, then we cant have salty ass popcorn without drinks and did she mention us splitting those??? Of course not! So now we add $7 pushing my movie experience up to $15.50....[sidebar: could've rented at least 4 videos for the same price....made my own pop secret and called it a day]....but theres more.
After the movie, which was crappy by the way, its time for shopping! Off to the mall we now go, looking for nothing, because well, we're girls and thats what we do. Walk around about a dozen stores and I keep my shopping relatively modest, and leave only buying about $40 worth of stuff, clothes and such...necesseties of course. After all, who can not buy something when you try it on and all your girls squeal about how beautiful, sexy, and [of course the all important] THIN, you look in your ensemble....bitches. Next, of course, lets-split-a-bucket-tubbie whore is ready to eat again. So off we go to the Cheesecake factory, 1 entree, 2 drinks and $30 later. We get up laughing and having a great time.
After that, I am FREE...FREE at last free at last thank G.....wait....no Im not free....I am only on probation. I am given 2 hours to go home, and change because...ITS CLUBBIN TIME!! The best idea of all, because now I can go to a club, get in free [chicks are always free in vegas], and have some drunk loser pay for my drinks. Highlight of my day. So there it is my day totaling out at, get your 10-keys ready..... $145.50...in one day! Sunday, I can do nothing but church and sleep, my cup runeth empty.
Truth No. 2
Men will gun down a preschool bakesale for money, before they pay for anything out of their own pockets. Example 2, another day off, had a holiday so it wasn't really a Saturday but it felt like one. Woke up bored, decided to call a good friend of mine [we'll call him Joe]. I give him a ring, because men dont use the phone unless it involves ass or money. I had neither [for him] so I was the initiator in this relationship. The phone conversation, that lasted all of about 5 seconds basically consisted of him whining that if i wanted to talk, come over....men why do you hate phones so much?.....He of course reiterated the LATER, because apparently my idea of morning and his idea of morning differ greatly.
So around the time of Joe's morning, which we'll call afternoon [because it was], I made my way to his house. Where of course, there were 2 other guys, who we'll call Terrence & Phillip. Both of course, with a beer by their side and a controller in their hand [playstation is it? yah shoot me]. Joe offers me a drink only to realize there is none left. Great, I think, already time to chip in....but no, not at all. Joe proceeds to pick up the phone [the ban is lifted] and calls an unknown person, "ay, its joe. we're outta beer.....u owe me.' and then one last "cool later". About a half an hour later, someone comes to the door, with the beer, and a pizza he mumbles something about the order and then leaves. Food and drink, for no money whatsoever...yet.
Terrence & Philip finally move, because, well, food is present. And i sit down and change the TV [with my slice of pizza and beer] only to find that Joe has a newly installed blackbox. So now, we have a movie, food, and drinks, for still no money. During the movie, I tell joe, im cold, tells me to go get a jacket from his room. I find a very cute long sleeved tee shirt with the name of a band i like on it. I pull it from a heap of clothes. I go back into the living area and i tell him how much i love to tee to which he responds "take it, some dude gave me like 4 last week".........Let us recap, food, drink, movie, new clothes [well, clothe...haha] all for no money. I smile at Joe. He is my role model. And nestle back between Terrance & Phillip to watch TV again.
Truth No. 3
Cant have my cake and eat it too [whoever wrote that saying really must've had horrid cake-throwing-away parents]
Now you may be thinking, well fine, just hang out with guys then, and shut up. But no, you see, because, occaisionally, and I do reiterate occasionally, guys get laid, and have girlfriends. And the last thing they want, is to have 2 girls around....all the time, no matter how good of friends we are. Because eventually, one of us [the females that is] will get sick of the other. And then its catfight and nagging until one of us [she] is out the door. Guys will always have Terrence and Phillips though, because, they dont move, or change, they only consume......and when it comes time for a favor, they owe you.
So this is why I am a hermit, and dating is really my own source of human interaction. Because women spend money, and men screw women. Anyone know any gays in need of a hag??
Stay tuned.....
Truth No. 1
Chicks are so freaking expensive, its unbelieveable. Let me give you an example. Today , I decided to spend a Saturday out with the girls. Woke up, got dressed and went to The Pancake House for some breakfast, $10. Then, off to get our nails done at the salon, mani and pedi combo (nails and feet for all you gents out there), $50. On with our parade of fun, we go to the movies. A whopping $8.50....maybe not alot normally, but im up to almost $70 here and its only just past noon. Next OF COURSE we have the popcorn, see i didn't want any damn popcorn, but when one little cunt mentions " Hey lets split a bucket" I dont want to look like a cheap ass. Well, then we cant have salty ass popcorn without drinks and did she mention us splitting those??? Of course not! So now we add $7 pushing my movie experience up to $15.50....[sidebar: could've rented at least 4 videos for the same price....made my own pop secret and called it a day]....but theres more.
After the movie, which was crappy by the way, its time for shopping! Off to the mall we now go, looking for nothing, because well, we're girls and thats what we do. Walk around about a dozen stores and I keep my shopping relatively modest, and leave only buying about $40 worth of stuff, clothes and such...necesseties of course. After all, who can not buy something when you try it on and all your girls squeal about how beautiful, sexy, and [of course the all important] THIN, you look in your ensemble....bitches. Next, of course, lets-split-a-bucket-tubbie whore is ready to eat again. So off we go to the Cheesecake factory, 1 entree, 2 drinks and $30 later. We get up laughing and having a great time.
After that, I am FREE...FREE at last free at last thank G.....wait....no Im not free....I am only on probation. I am given 2 hours to go home, and change because...ITS CLUBBIN TIME!! The best idea of all, because now I can go to a club, get in free [chicks are always free in vegas], and have some drunk loser pay for my drinks. Highlight of my day. So there it is my day totaling out at, get your 10-keys ready..... $145.50...in one day! Sunday, I can do nothing but church and sleep, my cup runeth empty.
Truth No. 2
Men will gun down a preschool bakesale for money, before they pay for anything out of their own pockets. Example 2, another day off, had a holiday so it wasn't really a Saturday but it felt like one. Woke up bored, decided to call a good friend of mine [we'll call him Joe]. I give him a ring, because men dont use the phone unless it involves ass or money. I had neither [for him] so I was the initiator in this relationship. The phone conversation, that lasted all of about 5 seconds basically consisted of him whining that if i wanted to talk, come over....men why do you hate phones so much?.....He of course reiterated the LATER, because apparently my idea of morning and his idea of morning differ greatly.
So around the time of Joe's morning, which we'll call afternoon [because it was], I made my way to his house. Where of course, there were 2 other guys, who we'll call Terrence & Phillip. Both of course, with a beer by their side and a controller in their hand [playstation is it? yah shoot me]. Joe offers me a drink only to realize there is none left. Great, I think, already time to chip in....but no, not at all. Joe proceeds to pick up the phone [the ban is lifted] and calls an unknown person, "ay, its joe. we're outta beer.....u owe me.' and then one last "cool later". About a half an hour later, someone comes to the door, with the beer, and a pizza he mumbles something about the order and then leaves. Food and drink, for no money whatsoever...yet.
Terrence & Philip finally move, because, well, food is present. And i sit down and change the TV [with my slice of pizza and beer] only to find that Joe has a newly installed blackbox. So now, we have a movie, food, and drinks, for still no money. During the movie, I tell joe, im cold, tells me to go get a jacket from his room. I find a very cute long sleeved tee shirt with the name of a band i like on it. I pull it from a heap of clothes. I go back into the living area and i tell him how much i love to tee to which he responds "take it, some dude gave me like 4 last week".........Let us recap, food, drink, movie, new clothes [well, clothe...haha] all for no money. I smile at Joe. He is my role model. And nestle back between Terrance & Phillip to watch TV again.
Truth No. 3
Cant have my cake and eat it too [whoever wrote that saying really must've had horrid cake-throwing-away parents]
Now you may be thinking, well fine, just hang out with guys then, and shut up. But no, you see, because, occaisionally, and I do reiterate occasionally, guys get laid, and have girlfriends. And the last thing they want, is to have 2 girls around....all the time, no matter how good of friends we are. Because eventually, one of us [the females that is] will get sick of the other. And then its catfight and nagging until one of us [she] is out the door. Guys will always have Terrence and Phillips though, because, they dont move, or change, they only consume......and when it comes time for a favor, they owe you.
So this is why I am a hermit, and dating is really my own source of human interaction. Because women spend money, and men screw women. Anyone know any gays in need of a hag??
Stay tuned.....
