My War...

you may need to institute a department of homestead security and some color-coded alert states because youre up against a smart, determined group that is not affiliated with any organized natural state (seeing as how there is no such thing).

until my mother sold her home in rural northwest indiana, she and her husband had taken to spending their winters in corpus christi. they didnt want to hassle with tenants so they left the place empty in their absence. more accurately, they intended it to remain empty. everything went fine for the first 7 of 9 years during which they migrated south for the winter.

when they returned during spring of the 8th year, they werent at all prepared to discover a rather large extended family of raccoons--acting solely out of animal altruism, im sure--had discovered my mom's house wasnt very secure so theyd moved in and worked tirelessly to protect it from burglars and the like by making it appear ummm 'lived in'.

the raccoon strategy for accomplishing this involved some reconstruction (installing several secret entranceways into the roof) and redecoration (rearranging things--like the contents of cupboards, couch cushions and bedding materials). their real innovation was establishing at least one obstetric ward per room throughout the entire four-bedroom, 3 bath structure.

their biggest contribution, however, was a strategy involving widespread and sizeable quantities of organic materials humans find offensive as a deterrent against home invasion by unscrupulous two-legged perpetrators.

my mother's property insurance company is a rather stodgy (and lets face it...extremely frugal) enterprise. for several months--until being contacted by a lawyer--they refused to provide funding to assist in relocating these aggressive lil potentially davy-crockett-cap volunteers (on the basis they were vermin rather than wild animals) or restoring the place to its previous glory.

just goes to show you why ordinary people have no faith their insurance agents.

Dont give up hope......they may regroup and get more forces....I think you should just make a c-4 steak and see who has the last laugh. There might be large holes in your ground but it will be worth it.


NS38

Not to mention that you'll scare the pea out of your neighbors...

Capt. over and out!

UPDATE:

The war is over and the final count stands at 18 captives...they're gone now to whatever fate has decided for them and I have resigned for now.

Until they rise against me again,
~Zoo