Mom had her pride

from JoeUser Forums
mom hung her
pride
dangling in front
of me
a full loop
13 coils
on having sunk only
so low

before she gave up
crime
still beer friendly
at the end of the
night closer
to sunrise
with blue and white
parliament cigarettes
weaving silent movie
scenes in the void
before her
“johnny, sweet, johnny,
my little orphan”

smoke snaking into
nostrils
then exploding from
her mouth
“I never had to sell my
ass”
like a period to the
end of the day
satisfied
counting the cash
she’d flip me a
ten
grind the cigarette butt
into a glass ashtray
and yank the chain to
the lamp
“goodnight, boy”
“goodnight, mom”

J. Masuda © 2004
art
215 views 7 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
Johnny, I think you should give some experimenting efforts to your spacing. It's cool because looking at everyone of your poems I know exactly who it's by before I read a word of it....but it can emphasize better the differences between your poems. Maybe that's just me....I'm very visual.

-SuspeckTed
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
I've gone thru and added spaces where I thought it was appropriate. What do you think?

J.
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Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
you're kidding, right?
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Johnny, I think you and I have different ideas on spacing as I've tried harder to concentrate on it and maybe it's even taken away some of the emphasis on my words. I try to do the spacing as I write the piece with whatever feels right. The consistency to your spacing style is unique, but I thought you may have wanted your poems to have a visual individuality as well. (that is a word right?) Just gotta go with that writers instinct I suppose.

Peace,
Suspeckted
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
Bro,
I think I understand what you're telling me. I appreciate your comments on the spacing. It's true that i often move forward with a section when i should truncate it. it's also true that I forget to give the reader space (time) to swallow. Occasionally the run on style is intentional, but certainly not as often as I've presented here. Thank you for your observations. I am grateful to any and all guidence,

J.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Keep writin' Johnny and given time, I will keep readin'.

Peace,
suspeckTed