Daily Dose of Weird and Whacky Headlines

from JoeUser Forums

"Dangerous Animals Ban Heads for Debate"--headline, Des Moines Register, March 29

Only Tails allowed to talk.

"Pet Owners Likely to Get Little in Suits"--headline, Associated Press, April 1

Serves them right for trying to put those little suits on their pets!

"WHO Says Organ Demand Outstrips Supply"--headline, Associated Press, April 30

Probably all the people waiting for an organ.

A 2fer:

"Swedish Couple Fights for Right to Name Their Baby 'Metallica' "--headline, Associated Press, April 3
"Baby's Poor Response to Name May Warn of Autism"--headline, HealthDay.com, April 3

I would not speak to my parents either if they named me Metallica!

"Bear Man Faces Hate-Crime Charges"--headline, News Journal (Wilmington, Del.), April 3

Since when is indecent exposure a hate crime?

"Police Chief Asks Public for Tips"--headline, Kansas City Star, April 3

Result of latest budget cuts.

"Man Shot by Pistol Thrown in the Trash"--headline, Associated Press, April 4

Guess no one wanted to claim the body.

"Belgium Local Authorities Deny Barbequing Tax Reports"--headline, Novosti (Russia), April 4

Taxpayers denied nothing.

"Researchers have finally solved one of the great canine mysteries: Why are small dogs small?"--Los Angeles Times, April 6

Because if they were big dogs they would be called big dogs?

"8,000 Pot Plants Found; Two Arrested"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, April 6

Did the other 7,998 get off with just a warning?

"Disabled Turkey Hunt to Be Held"--headline, Moberly (Mo.) Monitor-Index, April 3

Did they clip the wings?  Or break the drumsticks?

"Apple Probe Will Shake Up Whole Music Industry"--headline, MarketWatch.com, April 4

I know where I would like to put that apple probe in the music industry.  Right up their.................

humor
9,774 views 10 replies
Reply #1 from JoeUser Forums Top
! These are really good Doc!

I would love to read that story about why small dogs are small. I didn't realise it was so on demand to find out in the Scientific field?!!



"8,000 Pot Plants Found; Two Arrested"--headline, San Francisco Chronicle, April 6
Did the other 7,998 get off with just a warning?




This is my favorite!!
Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top

This is my favorite

I liked that one, and the dog one.  Next up for this brain trust - why large dogs are large!

Ashes of the Singularity II
Reply #3 from JoeUser Forums Top
"Dangerous Animals Ban Heads for Debate"--

It's good to see it's not only humans that talk out of their asses.


"WHO Says Organ Demand Outstrips Supply"--

I'm going to ask Roger Daltrey and Pete Townshend, but I'm pretty sure The Who never even had a keyboard player.


"Bear Man Faces Hate-Crime Charges"--

All charges were dismissed against the bear man because he was bi-polar.


"8,000 Pot Plants Found; Two Arrested"--

Two pot plants arrested? Damn, it seems like the whole marijuana growing industry is going up in smoke.

Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
"Bear Man Faces Hate-Crime Charges"--

All charges were dismissed against the bear man because he was bi-polar.


  Another "Wish I had thought of that one!"
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Disabled Turkey Hunt to Be Held"--headline, Moberly (Mo.) Monitor-Index, April 3


say no more!
Reply #6 from JoeUser Forums Top
say no more!


Probably due to my siblings and I fighting over the drumsticks.
Reply #7 from JoeUser Forums Top
Your lists are always a treat. Now for some disabled turkey!   
Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top

Now for some disabled turkey!

My wife disabled one very recently - and tastefully.

Reply #9 from JoeUser Forums Top
"Researchers have finally solved one of the great canine mysteries: Why are small dogs small?"--Los Angeles Times, April 6


They plan to tackle the ultimate "Why does everything taste like chicken?" question next.
Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
"Why does everything taste like chicken?" question next.


Your tax dollars at work.