Do you spank your children? Were you spanked?

Only when I'm mad or bored.

My Grandmother had a spanking policy and my Mom followed it.
If what your child is doing is dangerous (running into the street type stuff) then he/she gets the spanking.
Now she was speaking of a spanking - - - NOT a beating. A few firm - not torturous - swats on the bottom.

I recall an incident by the railroad track - I was about 4 - 5 at the most. I can remember the "breeze" of the train. I have a more vivid memory of the spanking. I had to have scared my Mom half to death!
Today - even in the car - I stay a lengthy distance back from the tracks.

Today - even in the car - I stay a lengthy distance back from the tracks.

hahaha I guess it worked.

I was spanked along with my brothers and we all turned out pretty well...if I say so myself...LOL.

So I figured if it worked for us kids maybe there's something to it, and we did spank our three kids. They turned out pretty well so I guess I'm an advocate of "spankings" not beatings and only for the first 10 years or so. My first child did not receive any that I can remember and my third (I swear) got a spanking almost every day. We basically did so when direct rebellion was involved for the most part.

Why do you ask?

Only when I'm mad or bored.

How often would this be????

Yes, I was spanked as a child, sometimes by both parents if it was deemed a severe infraction ("Just wait until your Father gets home!").

And yes I spanked all three of my children when they were young. But by the time they were around 5 or 6, it was no longer necessary. A look or a sharp word would suffice by then.

Did your parents spank you?

Yes, and unless someone is VERY young, I doubt there are many here will say otherwise. It was very much the norm for a long time.

Did it do any good?

In the moment, yes, sometimes. Overall, I would say no.

Do you spank your kids?

EXTREMELY infrequently.

Why/why not?

Generally speaking, spanking is the lazy parent's means of making him/herself feel better.

Spanking is way over-used in our society and spanking alone DOES NOT make a discipline plan. A swat for every infraction teaches a child little beyond, "Some things make mom/dad mad and s/he will hit me."

I particularly detest the practice of spanking infants. They simply don't have the memory necessary for a spanking to be an effective form of discipline. Children's emotional and intellectual development should guide a parent's discipline plan, and an infant is best served by having the temptation/dangerous situation removed (or themselves removed from it).

There are circumstances where I think spanking is warranted or acceptable, but as a general rule, it is a lazy form of discipline. Children need to learn natural consequences in a manner that is safe and age appropriate. Spanking rarely (if ever, lol) contributes to this.

I don't think that people who spank their children are bad people. I do think that it is one of the least effective and most over-used form of discipline.

For those who don't - what form of disciple do you use? do you really think it works?

I use a MYRIAD of different forms of discipline, mostly excluding any form of physical harm (my children may have had the odd spanking through the years).

I am not a perfect parent, and my children are not yet grown. I am not 100% confident that I know the best ways to raise children. I am pretty confident, though, that spanking is NOT one of the best ways for a loving parent to instruct a child.

I don't think talking a child to death about morality will stop undesirable behavior, but a bit of verbal reinforcement accompanied by a punishment that reinforces the REASON why a behavior is undesirable is what I try to aim for.

Just wait until your Father gets home!

I try VERY hard not to do this! (Sometimes I slip!). My children need to know that I am not weak or helpless to make a decision and that I can and will deal with their behavior without having to call in outside help.

A mom who depends on dad to fix things when he gets home spends her days MISERABLE. LOL.

Did your parents spank you?Did it do any good?Do you spank your kids?Why/why not?For those who do - do you really think it works?For those who don't - what form of disciple do you use? do you really think it works?

Yes, I was spanked but many times I think it went too far and was abusive. They were also great at shaming and humiliating you and making you want to disappear. As to whether it did any good, I guess if you think a child being deathly afraid of their parents and jumping to do anything that was asked to prevent punishment maybe. I was a pretty obedient child. My dad has passed away but my mom and I have a very distant relationship. So in the long term, I don't think that's the kind of relationship any caring parent wants with their children.

With my boys, no I don't regularly spank them. I guess I have gone too far in the opposite direction of how I was disiplined. I don't want my boys to be afraid of me but I would like more respect than I get from them. I take away privledges such as gameboy, computer etc. I also make my older boys write sentences. I will be kind to my brother, In our family, we share, etc.

I was spanked and it worked on me. I loathed being spanked.

For my middle brother, spanking didn't work on him. Put him in Time Out and that was severe punishment to him.

For me Time Out was cool. I had such a creative mind that after a minute or two sitting there I would try to make objects out of the walls or out of wherever I was.

I feel a good parent will adjust and see what punishment elicits the corrective response understanding that different things work on different children. Spanking when not done out of anger nor abuse can be effective without long term damage. I am an upstanding young man that is quite thankful I was spanked!

Did your parents spank you?

Yes, my dad used his open hand, but after my mom spranged a finger spanking my oldest brother, she turned to the hanger. I joke now that to this day my butt looks like a plus sign ;~D.

Did it do any good?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I think my parents spanked us a little too long (as far as age goes), I don't remember not doing things as a teenager out of fear of getting spanked, but I do remember doing things out of resentment of it.

Do you spank your kids?

Only when they were too young to understand why they were told to sit in "the chair", grounded, or whatever punishment we turned to at the time. So their spankings didn't go very far passed 5 or 6. From what I remember, most the spankings were when they were doing something that only required an immediate change of thinking on their part (spanking is a good quick shock therapy that corrects incorrect behavior quickly), or when they wouldn't go to bed at bedtime (crying is a great way for a person who isn't sleepy to get that way. ;~D )..

For those who do - do you really think it works?

For us it depended on the kid. My oldest, Yes, spanking was THE most effective means of punishment. We used a wooden spoon and made them go get it (kind of a modern version of "cutting their own switch")... For my oldest, going to the drawer to get the spoon was the part that really did the trick. For my second son, it didn't do a thing. You could have beat that kid black and blue and it wouldn't have fazed him. The best way to get through to him was not letting him have something, or do something he really wanted to do or have.

I agree that spanking is too often used as a lazy way to punish kids. It seems to be used more out of frustration than as a way to effect behavior. I remember watchign a friend of mine spanking his son for hitting a neighbor kid.... Oh The Irony!!! :~D

I was spanked very infrequently. It was only for serious incidents and so was quite effective. My father did it with an open hand, my mom used a wooden spoon, but really, both were very light and never more than one swat.

I have used it a time or two, very infrequently. I only use it when our children are completely out of control, do so with an open hand, one spank with no arm involved, just bending at the wrist. It gets their attention to the point they know they really are in trouble and that they need to calm down.

I was spanked to the point where today it would be classified as beating. I was practically spanked daily for all the mischief I caused. My father used hands, belts, anything that was handy. He spanked clearly out of anger and his own frustrations.

I use a spank now with my two boys only as a tactical strike.
It is only really used like Blue Dev mentioned when my boys are out of control.

Most of the stuff we talk about now, before and after they get in trouble, but they know the trump card is a good whack on the bum if they have willing gone too far.

Only when I'm mad or bored.

By the way

ROFL!

Yes I spank my children.

We have one, two, and three swat violations. All open hand on the bottom.

I do believe pain is a natural consequence to disobedience.

Did your parents spank you?
Yes, though more so my dad. He used a belt as well. I was scared of him. Though he didn't do it hardly once I was a teenager.

Did it do any good?
Not really. Though I wasn't a really bad kid (no really). Though I suppose the thought of it kept me inline but I like to think its more how I was raised than the spankings themselves.

Do you spank your kids?
Not often. Of course they are older now. Even when there were younger it was used sparingly. I think that is the key. Some use it for every little thing. Sometimes we did time out, sometimes it was simply a stern look. Sometimes a slap on the wrist. Often it was a discussion about what was doing wrong and what they should be doing.

For those who do - do you really think it works?
When used sparingly I think it has a good effect on kids.

All too often these days I see parents at one of two extremes. They are either letting the kids run wild and not doing a thing about it. Or they are beating their kids for everything, even for crying. Neither way shows that they care or love the kids. Kids need discipline, but it has to be given properly. Most of all they need instruction and teaching. Parents forget sometimes what means to be a kid and so don't really connect with their kids. They also don't know how to set limits so the kids are the ones in control. Spanking is one area where parents need to effectively show control, just don't overuse it. Overuse leads to it being ineffective.

My mother used a belt, doubled,  to beat me with,  along with slaps on my face

What good did it do?  ~  I was afraid to not do as told,   never got angry,  and tried to be only happy and do as told.

No,  I didn't spank my children because I believe it only teaches them that physical force is how to handle issues,  and mis-behavior.  Ever watch a 4 year old playing with her/his toys if they've been beat?  They spank the doll,  play violently with toys,  act out.

  I used time outs,  took away toys,  then privileges such as tv time, or going outside to play.  I also made sure my kids were allowed to have their emotions,  to own them and express them without getting slapped.

I used time outs, took away toys, then privileges such as tv time, or going outside to play. I also made sure my kids were allowed to have their emotions, to own them and express them without getting slapped.

Trudy, that is spot on.

seems to be used more out of frustration than as a way to effect behavior.

And that's why I've stopped, for the most part. I saw myself doing it for those reasons.

Mostly, I tell my kids if they're good then they'll get Reward X. I have really good kids, though, so I don't have to worry too much about not giving it to them.

I'm still guilty of the little 'immediate correction' swats on the butt occasionally. (Still trying to quit completely.)

I also made sure my kids were allowed to have their emotions, to own them and express them without getting slapped.

Trudygolightly,

Will you adopt me? My parents still think I'm not allowed to express myself - and I'm not talking about yelling and cursing and throwing things - Just anything different from their world view.

Trudygolightly, Will you adopt me?

well sure. I've been looking for someone to adopt ME too! my mom was like that, wouldn't allow me to have feelings, if they weren't positive, and I sure as heck couldn't have a discussion with her. It was her way or leave. So I left. At age 19. No, I was 18.

My mom went so far as to draw blood on my kid sister....used the belt buckle on her.

There's a lot more...off topic tho! Thank you