International Breaking and Entering

     Well Hanja kept saying that he was going to write this but since he is way too slow... (The following is a reconstruction of partial memories and other peoples accounts).

     No shit there I was... Sitting at my usual stool at The Companion and drinking Thunderfucks. It may in fact have been a pig party night but I sure as hell don't remember. At some point deep in my cups the autopilot function engaged and I did my usual disappearing act, running off towards home.

     Oh my aching head... I roll over on my bed and sit up, feeling my feet hit the carpet next to the bed... Wait a minute... Carpet next to the bed? I don't have a carpet next to the bed. Grope for my glasses... Can't find em.. fuck... Why is my bed in the living room? Why is the living room backwards from what I remember? What the fuck happened to the door? Sweet hopping christ this isn't my house!

     I walk out the door and realize that I am in my neighbors house. I can't find my keys to get into my house either. Now I have been accused of being "bombproof" (used in reference to horses whose nerves are so thoroughly trained that they won't even flinch if a bomb goes off neaby) by an ex-gf but I am unashamed to admit to feeling a bit of panic at that moment. 

    Since the bar wasn't open yet (it was about 9 a.m.) I walked over to Hanja's house as the next best thing. Coming through the door I see that Chong-mi is awake already, "Hanja still sleeping?" I ask. "Yeah he's a lazy ass." says she. I go in and lay down next to him on the yo (mattress, sort of). "Hey, have you seen my keys?" "Your keys? Why?" "Well..." and I explain as best I can.

    Hanja decides that he and Chong-mi had best walk back to my place and try and sort this stuff out. Near as the three of us could tell this is what happened after I left the bar...

     I am in the habit of running home when my autopilot function engages and there was no reason for that night to be any different. Apparently while running home I bumped into something an lost my glasses. Either I didn't stop to pick them up or I couldn't find them and proceeded to run home. Once back at the house my level of intoxication coupled with legal blindness took me to the wrong door (they all look alike ok?) and of course my key wouldn't open the door. Apparently in frustration I threw my keys over my shoulder (from the second floor) down next to the little fountain pond in our courtyard where Chong-mi spotted them. From that point I put my fist of foot through the glass of the door and unlocked it. Of course once inside that door I would have discovered that the inner wooden door was locked (and now I had no keys (not that it would have mattered) so I kicked the inner door into flinders, walked inside and passed out.

     During the commotion my landlady has called the cops but before they arrived she peekd through the door and saw that it was me so she sent them off when they showed up.

     Fortunately for me my neighbor was back in the States on leave so I had plenty of time to get the door replaced and everything cleaned up before he came back. Of course I did have to explain why his keys wouldn't work but it all came out ok in the end.

Moral of the story? Stop drinking? No! Get contacts. Obviously.