Why Puppies Suck

from JoeUser Forums

Okay. I know I'm likely to get flamed for the title, and content, of this article. But I just have to vent.

Puppies suck. And I'll tell you why: No household pet on the planet is more destructive, less disciplined, and smells worse (all the time, not just occasionally like a skunk) than a rotten, god-forsaken, evil little puppy.

In 34 years, I'd never had a puppy. I remember growing up with dogs, but they spent most of their time in the back yard, and came into the house only during sever weather. And they were all adult dogs, which is a totally different case than that of a puppy. But three months ago, I made the fatal mistake of letting my wife convince me (through much whining and double-talk) of going with her to look at puppies. A breeder in town had an "accident" when her pug had a secret tryst with a neighborhood dachshund, resulting in five odd little monsters. They were cute, and particularly well-behaved when we went to see them (cute puppies are pure evidence of biological evolution; if not for their cuteness, man would have slaughtered puppies into extinction long ago), so I gave in and said she could get one and bring it home.

Not a day has gone by since when I haven't regretted the weakness of my resolve.

More than half of my two-year-old daughter's toys are permanently ruined. And if she wasn't growing out of her clothes as quickly as we bought them for her, she'd be suffering on that front too. I've had to buy three pairs of shoes in three months, my wife two. Not an inch of carpet has escaped the puppy's bodily discharges. The leather couch we bought less than 18 months ago looks like we got it from Goodwill. Our cats live in constant and debilitating fear. Our back yard looks as though we've been invaded by a vicious family of dire-gophers.

I read somewhere that serial killers often practice their craft on puppies when they are young. I think the mental health profession has it backwards: I believe puppies drive perfectly sane and well-adjusted youngsters into raving sociopaths.

I'm at my wit's end. I spend more time cleaning up after my "adorable" little mutt than I do any other single thing in my life. I'm hoarse from yelling at her to stop jumping in my daughter's face ever six seconds. My wardrobe is ruined to the point that I look like a vagabond when going to work. Try as I might, I cannot get the smell of her, or her excrement, out of my house. Etc, etc.

Puppies suck.

dogs puppies monsters pee euthenasia
23,909 views 35 replies
Reply #1 from Stardock Forums Top

I know its not funny...but I had to just laugh out loud.

When looking into the face of a little puppy its easy to forget all those things isn't it?

I don't have a dog for exactly the reasons you stated, though I am sure with some training all but the smell will lessen.  I can smell dog a block away, no matter how clean they are.....and its not the odor I want to hit me when I walk into my sanctuary.

Good luck.  My advice...start watching the Dog Whisperer.  I love that show.  :)

Reply #2 from JoeUser Forums Top
Dogs are pure love. They love us in spite of all our faults. Puppies are innocent pure love. Yes, they do all that, and in return they give you love.

O Lord, please make me as good as my dog thinks I am.

Amen. ;)
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Reply #4 from JoeUser Forums Top
Try kittens.
End of quote


The chinese do. ;)
Reply #5 from JoeUser Forums Top
Heh, maybe it's because you're new to the whole process. Try having 14 puppies all at once. :)

Thank you anonymous black lab that knocked up my dog! What an adventure that was. Want to complain about smell? Hahahaha!


~Zoo
Reply #6 from Stardock Forums Top

Zoo, what kind of dog did you have?  14 puppies seems like a lot for a single brood.

 

Puppies suck because they need milk!

 

Ok.  Seriously, I feel for ya.  Over the course of growing up, we had three puppies come through our house.  We never experienced the scale of destruction with having raised the three dogs over the course of their lives as you seem to have with your little one.  

My mom and dad always had baby gates up so that the puppy couldn't get to where they didn't want her.  I heard Dog Whisperer is amazing.  I only saw one episode when I was back in Canada, but the website is really good.

Reply #7 from Stardock Forums Top

Thanks for all the advice (and the surprising lack of flaming...). I'll check out the Dog Whisperer website.

I think at some point we're planning on taking Bella (short for Belladonna...isn't that a poisonous plant, btw?) to PetSmart for obedience training, but she's still too young right now. Maybe things will get better after that.

I have raised kittens, and I'll tell you that in every single way, they are far easier than rearing a puppy.

We use a baby gate on the stairs (originally to keep our daughter from getting hurt; now protecting the one last bastion of puppy-odor-and-destruction-free space in our home). I wish our house was laid out in such a way to keep the overgrown rat confined to one easy-to-clean space using them.

Gotta go. Apparently, Bella has just torn off one of the "do not remove under penalty of law" tags from one of the cusions of our love seat. Great, now the blasted thing is going to get me arrested... :SURPRISED: 

Reply #8 from JoeUser Forums Top
I dislike animals that live in my house. If an animal is someone else's, that's fine with me. Keep it away from my place.

My wife wants to own a dog someday. For the kids, she says. Well, it's my stuff it's going to ruin, and I'll end up being the one taking care of it, and I don't want one. So I won't let one in the house.
Reply #9 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting Jythier, reply 8


I dislike animals that live in my house. If an animal is someone else's, that's fine with me. Keep it away from my place.My wife wants to own a dog someday. For the kids, she says. Well, it's my stuff it's going to ruin, and I'll end up being the one taking care of it, and I don't want one. So I won't let one in the house.

End of Jythier's quote

I thought the same thing until recently. Honestly, my wife's whining and pleading and supposedly-subtle headgames actually had little to do with my giving in. The truth is, I can't argue my wife's logic that it's healthy for Gabbie (our daughter) to grow up with pet companionship, especially since it's looking more and more like she'll be an only-child. And our two cats, whom we've had for years prior to Gabbie's birth, will have absolutely nothing to do with her (that may change when she gets older and learns how to approach them without running, screaming and waving her arms in the air; but for now, they just run from her a soon as they see her coming).

While I might not be a fan of Bella's special brand of love (which seems to be limited to either jumping up on my pants leg when I am standing, ripping it to shreds over time, or trying to sit in my lap while I'm sitting so she can lick my face with the same mouth she uses to eat her own poo), my daughter is in absolute love with Bella, and really enjoys her company. My only wish in that regard is that we'd picked a less rambunctious dog; I thought by avoiding the ankle-biter breeds, we'd end up with a calm and careful dog, but I was apparently wrong. There have been more than a few times when Bella's "playfulness" has resulted in scratches on Gabbie's face or arms. While none have been deep or serious, it's still a scary thing, and one I can't figure out how to prevent.

Reply #10 from JoeUser Forums Top
Zoo, what kind of dog did you have? 14 puppies seems like a lot for a single brood.
End of quote


I have a boxer...if they breed with another boxer their brood is usually 6-8. However, you add some black lab in there and apparently they just explode with babies.

Such is the way of unplanned pregnancy, I guess. :(

After that little incident it was spaying time. :P

I dislike animals that live in my house.
End of quote

 
;p Meanie.


~Zoo
Reply #11 from JoeUser Forums Top
Meanie.
End of quote


Would be meaner if I had animals in my house...
Reply #12 from JoeUser Forums Top
I want to see a pic of this pug-dachshund mix. It sounds ridiculously adorable.

And I have no pets. Learned my lesson. I suck as a pet mommy.
Reply #13 from JoeUser Forums Top
Would be meaner if I had animals in my house...
End of quote


*psh*...nonsense. Animals can drive you crazy, but I think it's worth it....then again, maybe I have a bias. :P

~Zoo
Reply #14 from JoeUser Forums Top

Little-whip:

I knew it was too much to ask to post this thread without at least one flame. Which is why I didn't ask.

Bella was too young for obedience school when I checked into it a couple of months ago. Since then, she has developed "Cherry Eye", a malady that causes a swollen fold of skin to protrude over her eyeball in the bottom corner. She will need to have surgery to correct it, since it can cause blindness if left untreated. When I inquired about obedience school again, I was advised to wait until after her surgery and recovery.

As for the shoes, we've tried everything short of taking them upstairs and storing them there where there's no possible way the puppy or the baby can get to them. As it stands right now, even storing them in a closet or cabinet does no good, since the my daughter has known since before she was one how to bypass "child-proof" handles and locks, and she has a tendency to find our shoes, wherever they might be, and give them to the puppy because she knows Bella likes to chew on them.

And the vinegar cure is worse than the disease. Few smells make me violently ill like the obnoxious aroma of vinegar. Blek!

Reply #15 from JoeUser Forums Top
Thanks for all the advice (and the surprising lack of flaming...).
End of quote


You said they suck, not that you were roasting them over an open Pit.

We all have our druthers. Your concerns are legitimate. We were just offering helpful advice (or waxing nostalgic). ;)
Reply #16 from JoeUser Forums Top

I happen to have several recipes for dog, let me know!

Reply #17 from Stardock Forums Top

Quoting little-whip, reply 19
I don't know whose 'advising' you, but I'd seek a second opinion, lol. In most cases, cherry eye does not require surgery (unless the prolapse is severe) and it doesn't cause blindness. It can cause chronic dry eyes, requiring the use of daily lubricating drops.You really need to educate yourself.In regards to enduring the temporary smell of vinegar as an alternative to the permanent funk of old urine that's soaked through the carpet padding into the subfloor, oh well, suffer with that instead. It smells like ammonia. It seems to me that it's not only the puppy you have issues with. You let your wife bully (or persuade, or guilt-trip) you into accepting this dog into your home when you were against the idea, have to share the home with the dog, and will go through considerable expense and investment of your time to do so. Then you tell me your two year old is so clever and powerful and defiant that you are unable to prevent her from literally feeding the family's shoes to the dog...just for her amusement, of course.Are you a member of this household, misterME, or just a pushover with a paycheck?Get your wife and daughter trained first, pussy. Then there might be some hope of you learning to manage a dog.(Getting warm yet?)
End of little-whip's quote

My, and I thought my life was rough. You win; yours must certainly be the worse of the two of us if you have that much bile built up. X-(

Just so you know, Bella's Cherry Eye is a severe case, covering almost a quarter of her eye. The recommendation for surgery came directly from her Vet, who, while she certainly might be trying to upsell some business, was also backed up by the online research my wife did in response to her recommendation and estimate.

As for the rest of your innane posturing, I'll leave it alone. I have better things to do (like clean up the mess my puppy-monster just made in the hallway).

Cheers. And I really hope your life takes an upward turn. :NOTSURE:

Reply #18 from JoeUser Forums Top
My, and I thought my life was rough. You win; yours must certainly be the worse of the two of us if you have that much bile built up
End of quote


Don't take it personal...LW loves animals (more than most people I reckon)...she is being forth right and hard on ya out of her love and experience with abandoned/neglected animals.

She's given some great advice.....she gave me some once about a dog...know what she said?
"T, don't get one. I can tell from talking to you, and things you post, a dog wouldn't do well in your home."

Heh.

I wasn't insulted even though she basically told me I wasn't good enough to be a dog owner. hahaha.;)

I really like the idea of having a dog....but the reality, meh, not so much.

She has a passion for animals and everything she says stems from it....

If you do keep the dog and get some training, I hope to read some stories about him....it'll be like owning a dog viacriously...so no poop scoopin!

Woot.






Reply #19 from JoeUser Forums Top
Based on what LW said to you, I think the current story is more towards you owning a dog vicariously. :P
Reply #20 from JoeUser Forums Top
Hairless dogs - cuter than the skinny models in the Skinny Desire thread.
Reply #21 from JoeUser Forums Top
Nah, you're far too much of a 'clean freak' to be comfy with a dog in the house, lol, unless you get a Mexican Hairless, and boy oh boy they're a little hard on the eyes.
End of quote


Oh my goodness...I think that Mexican dog is CUTE. Hairless dogs are so much nicer looking than hairless cats (bleck).

cuter than the skinny models in the Skinny Desire thread.
End of quote


Oh yeah.
Reply #22 from Stardock Forums Top

For what it's worth, my article was a rant--a way to vent frustration in dealing with an immature animal. I could almost as easily have written about my daughter, except it would probably have gotten a much more critical look, and I find it much harder to focus on just her faults (because, she's, well, my daughter). I probably will write one at some point about my coworkers, bosses, neighbors, or conservatives, since they all fall into that immature animal category as well. But that doesn't mean I’d quit my job, or sell my house and move, or relocate to a Blue state (well, maybe relocate to a Blue state).

I would no more abandon an animal I'd taken in than I would my daughter; and in case it's not clear, that means I wouldn't abandon either. I've had, loved, and been loved by pets my entire life (just never had a puppy before; kittens galore, just no puppies, or inside dogs for that matter). While the types and circumstances have changed from time to time, I always have and always will love my pets. Only once have I had an animal I could not adjust to or provide for (a kitten that had serious medical issues that I could not financially afford to have addressed), and in that case I found a loving, resource-and-education-rich home for it rather than simply abandon it. And my wife has had inside dogs her whole life (until she met and moved in with me, unless you’d consider me an “inside dog”), and is pretty knowledgeable about dogs in general.

As for Bella, it's not all bad. But the article was "why they suck", not a comparative monologue of their good and bad qualities. And it was written with a mind towards entertainment value in addition to the need to vent a little (or a lot). The situation's not 100% negative now; and I'm sure as Bella gets older, my wife and I adjust more and more to her and her needs, she gets some professional training (and WE get some professional training), my daughter gets older, etc, all or at least most of the points I made in my article will no longer apply. But right now, it's frustrating.

What I find difficult is taking advice from someone who's first line of their first response to me calls me an idiot (and then repeats that sentiment again and again), and then proceeds to accuse me of being an eventual abuser/abandoner with no other info about me besides one much-needed (for me at least) and not 100% serious rant, and tries to pick apart line-by-line everything I say thereafter. I understand a love for animals, even if mine isn't quite so overwhelming that I can't feel and express frustration at times. But it's difficult not to get offended and defensive when being verbally (textually) attacked by someone, especially when they think they know more than they do.

I'm far past wanting or needing lectures from people. I'll accept advice, especially when I've asked for it, but only when it's given in the form of advice and not ridicule or chest-thumping. I’m simply not going to sift through a tantrum to pick out the useful bits.

Reply #23 from JoeUser Forums Top

If I can figure out how to do this, I'll attach a few pictures of the little monster here. So here goes:

Reply #24 from JoeUser Forums Top
I use photobucket.com to upload my pics...once uploaded to photobucket, right click on the photo, go down to properites, highlight the http....jpeg line at the bottom and then come back to JU, hit the insert picture icon and paste the address.

You may already know how to do this...but I didn't and someone explained it to me much like this and it worked.

Fear my computer skills!
Reply #25 from JoeUser Forums Top
Fear my computer skills!
End of quote


We quake at your omniscience! ;)