I Have the Solution to All the World's Problems
from 
JoeUser Forums
JoeUser Forums
Dear ladies and gents,
I feel that as a newly converted Maxwellian peasant, I have the obligation to rise to the highest heights to which I as a lowly peasant may achieve. Therefore, I went on a journey to solve all of the world's problems, first and foremost those of the blogsite known as Joeuser.
My quest first took me to a little known mountain in Tibet, where I was escorted to the summit by barefoot Tibetan monks walking upon rose petals placed there by enlightened eagles that showed us the path. When I reached the oracle upon the summit, I was dismayed to discover that he had passed on to another existence and left little clue as to the solution to the mysteries of the universe, save a scroll that contained a single sanskrit word.
I was instructed to take the scroll, and I found myself in a quest to find an expert in sanskrit, far easier said than done. When I found them, I found them extremely demanding, and they would not provide me with an answer unless I presented them with a nosehair clipping of a Yeti, a tooth from the Loch Ness monster, and a shoe from an alien from another planet (they prefer skechers).
I was very quick to find the last of these objects, as living near area 51 grants me certain "privileges" that outsiders may not easily obtain. Upon my trip to Scotland, I was dismayed to find that arrival and departure times conflicted with Sir Peter's schedule and I would not be able to meet with him as planned (his secretary said something about him "taking a peasant kid to see Dominique"...I am reasonably certain I know what he was up to).
After procuring Nessie's tooth, it was back to Tibet, where the enlightened eagles I had tipped so generously on my first trip procured for me said nosehair clipping. It is reported the Yeti was NOT happy.
Thus armed, I took these to the translators (You think getting nail clippers through customs is a bitch? They thought that nessie's tooth was a crack rock), who then told me the sanskrit word. It translated roughly into the English equivalent of something we all know and love.
And so, without further ado, I present to you: the solution to all the world's problems:
Link
I feel that as a newly converted Maxwellian peasant, I have the obligation to rise to the highest heights to which I as a lowly peasant may achieve. Therefore, I went on a journey to solve all of the world's problems, first and foremost those of the blogsite known as Joeuser.
My quest first took me to a little known mountain in Tibet, where I was escorted to the summit by barefoot Tibetan monks walking upon rose petals placed there by enlightened eagles that showed us the path. When I reached the oracle upon the summit, I was dismayed to discover that he had passed on to another existence and left little clue as to the solution to the mysteries of the universe, save a scroll that contained a single sanskrit word.
I was instructed to take the scroll, and I found myself in a quest to find an expert in sanskrit, far easier said than done. When I found them, I found them extremely demanding, and they would not provide me with an answer unless I presented them with a nosehair clipping of a Yeti, a tooth from the Loch Ness monster, and a shoe from an alien from another planet (they prefer skechers).
I was very quick to find the last of these objects, as living near area 51 grants me certain "privileges" that outsiders may not easily obtain. Upon my trip to Scotland, I was dismayed to find that arrival and departure times conflicted with Sir Peter's schedule and I would not be able to meet with him as planned (his secretary said something about him "taking a peasant kid to see Dominique"...I am reasonably certain I know what he was up to).
After procuring Nessie's tooth, it was back to Tibet, where the enlightened eagles I had tipped so generously on my first trip procured for me said nosehair clipping. It is reported the Yeti was NOT happy.
Thus armed, I took these to the translators (You think getting nail clippers through customs is a bitch? They thought that nessie's tooth was a crack rock), who then told me the sanskrit word. It translated roughly into the English equivalent of something we all know and love.
And so, without further ado, I present to you: the solution to all the world's problems:
Link
Have I lost you forever Gideon?