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It all started a few weeks ago.
My 5 year old washing machine had an identity crisis. It wanted hence-forth to br known as an 'inert white object'...[The White-good Formerly Known As Washing Machine]. Armed with an antipathy to 'all things electric'.....and a screwdriver, I soon had it cowering in the corner, lobotomy in progress [nope, no anaesthetic] and lo and behold, a white condenser thingie with a not-too-subtle burn hole in it.
'Hmmm', I thought...[no, I didn't...I seldom 'think', prefering to swear antagonistically]...'that's gotta be the culprit'.
Just so happened that I was drawing a house for a White-goods parts supplier....'Magic'. $6.00 later and I'd renamed the 'TWFKAWM' back to 'Simpson Front-Loader'.
All went well....for about a week.
Then, 3 Wednesdays ago, the water main burst....in the street...[common occurrence, you could set your watches by it]....no water...and it's 7.00 AM.....and I 'need' coffee.
This isn't 'good'.
10.00 AM....water on....stopped strangling small furry animals in frustration...had coffee...got organised to drive the 'boss' to work. [She doesn't drive...call it a 'blindness thing'].
We hop into the car [that's just a turn of phrase, we aren't really 'all' kangaroos]...start the car, and successfully travel, oh, I don't know, about 70 feet. There's a 'bang', followed by deafening.....silence.
Ah, methinks, I'm a smart-arse...I can jump-start a car...[nope, we are still not 'roos'...it's another one of them phrases]...it's down-hill...I turn left, gather speed, foot on clutch in second, drop the clutch, and.......
Nuffin what-so-ever.
Odd...me tries again....nope...and again.....nope....OK...running out of hill, here...damn.
Dead stop, and no go.
Ringing the mechanic on the mobile, [that's 'cell phone' for the emerging countries..
], he bets me it's a Distributor module, and swears he can have it 'sorted'. I tell him I don't want a hit taken out on it, I just want it going again.
6.00 PM, the truck has removed the corpse...I twiddle thumbs wondering about 'Emma Chizzit' [bit of 'Strine', that...'How much is it'].
6.30 PM....phone rings...no, wasn't the 'module', it was the Distributor living up to its name. It had taken it upon itself to 'distribute' its own entrails to the four winds.
To paraphrase Python...it was an 'Ex distributor'...'it has shuffled of this mortal coil'...[no, not THAT 'coil'].
$340.00 later, I had a round thingie shuffling sparky thingies in the correct sequence to the right places.
All was well....
Till the following Wednesday...[Geldof might not like Mondays, I'm starting to grow a tad displeased with Wednesdays]...I had oodles of work to do...phone calls, faxes and things....but of course...it's Wednesday.
Silly me.
Phone decides it wants to emulate a Washing Machine, and/or a Distributor.
Out with the Mobile [you know what they are, now]...ring Telstra..[that's trendy Aussie abbreviation for 'Telecom Australia']...Automated error reporting...tests line...yes you have a fault...[I knew that, why else would I be ringing?]...puts me on to human...you have a fault....yes, I know, that's why I called..[you have to admire pure logic]....will be repaired by end of day.....tomorrow.
Thursday, 9.00 AM [no lie, honest...I 'must' have been the only polite caller]...little man is there.
"You have a fault"..."Yes, I know."...[picks up phone]..."Yes, it's dead...no tone."..."Yes, I know...when I'm not saying 'yes I know', I'm a Formula One Communications Official..I can 'tell' I have no 'tone'."
Little man puts strange thingie near connection..... "the fault is 167 meters away" [that's about 500 feet].
"Oh, poo...and I'm the ONLY person affected?"
"Yup...happens."...He goes off...comes back a half hour later..."Try now".
Ah, the phone's a phone again, not just a curiously shaped hunk of plastic...At least there's no charge.
Friday....dentist....filling...[did I mention one had fallen out on that first Wednesday? Probably not].
Monday...and my wife's brother's mother-in-law succumbs to Cancer, [Funeral Friday]. It happens....I believe it's 1 in 3 people will die from cancer, and the other 2 will know someone who will...
Wednesday...[naturally, there's a pattern]...I log onto DeviantART and am greeted by a 'new user' who has somewhat 'modified' my photo and nick...let's just say it's all about the 'C' word.
Just another demonstration of a need for policy reform and abuse handling on Devart.
Jark saves the day [thanks, mate] and normalcy is restored....[well, it's now Thursday, so it's gotta be better than it was].
I can't help looking furtively around at my surroundings, wondering which inanimate object is going to launch an uprising next...which curve ball from left field will rear its ugly head andgrab me by the short and curlies and kick my dunny down....
Probably this darned 'submit' button....I'll push it, and it'll fall into the workings of the GUI and I'll be staring at a BSOD....
Nah....
It's not Wednesday...
My 5 year old washing machine had an identity crisis. It wanted hence-forth to br known as an 'inert white object'...[The White-good Formerly Known As Washing Machine]. Armed with an antipathy to 'all things electric'.....and a screwdriver, I soon had it cowering in the corner, lobotomy in progress [nope, no anaesthetic] and lo and behold, a white condenser thingie with a not-too-subtle burn hole in it.
'Hmmm', I thought...[no, I didn't...I seldom 'think', prefering to swear antagonistically]...'that's gotta be the culprit'.
Just so happened that I was drawing a house for a White-goods parts supplier....'Magic'. $6.00 later and I'd renamed the 'TWFKAWM' back to 'Simpson Front-Loader'.
All went well....for about a week.
Then, 3 Wednesdays ago, the water main burst....in the street...[common occurrence, you could set your watches by it]....no water...and it's 7.00 AM.....and I 'need' coffee.
This isn't 'good'.
10.00 AM....water on....stopped strangling small furry animals in frustration...had coffee...got organised to drive the 'boss' to work. [She doesn't drive...call it a 'blindness thing'].
We hop into the car [that's just a turn of phrase, we aren't really 'all' kangaroos]...start the car, and successfully travel, oh, I don't know, about 70 feet. There's a 'bang', followed by deafening.....silence.
Ah, methinks, I'm a smart-arse...I can jump-start a car...[nope, we are still not 'roos'...it's another one of them phrases]...it's down-hill...I turn left, gather speed, foot on clutch in second, drop the clutch, and.......
Nuffin what-so-ever.
Odd...me tries again....nope...and again.....nope....OK...running out of hill, here...damn.
Dead stop, and no go.
Ringing the mechanic on the mobile, [that's 'cell phone' for the emerging countries..
], he bets me it's a Distributor module, and swears he can have it 'sorted'. I tell him I don't want a hit taken out on it, I just want it going again.6.00 PM, the truck has removed the corpse...I twiddle thumbs wondering about 'Emma Chizzit' [bit of 'Strine', that...'How much is it'].
6.30 PM....phone rings...no, wasn't the 'module', it was the Distributor living up to its name. It had taken it upon itself to 'distribute' its own entrails to the four winds.
To paraphrase Python...it was an 'Ex distributor'...'it has shuffled of this mortal coil'...[no, not THAT 'coil'].
$340.00 later, I had a round thingie shuffling sparky thingies in the correct sequence to the right places.
All was well....
Till the following Wednesday...[Geldof might not like Mondays, I'm starting to grow a tad displeased with Wednesdays]...I had oodles of work to do...phone calls, faxes and things....but of course...it's Wednesday.
Silly me.
Phone decides it wants to emulate a Washing Machine, and/or a Distributor.
Out with the Mobile [you know what they are, now]...ring Telstra..[that's trendy Aussie abbreviation for 'Telecom Australia']...Automated error reporting...tests line...yes you have a fault...[I knew that, why else would I be ringing?]...puts me on to human...you have a fault....yes, I know, that's why I called..[you have to admire pure logic]....will be repaired by end of day.....tomorrow.
Thursday, 9.00 AM [no lie, honest...I 'must' have been the only polite caller]...little man is there.
"You have a fault"..."Yes, I know."...[picks up phone]..."Yes, it's dead...no tone."..."Yes, I know...when I'm not saying 'yes I know', I'm a Formula One Communications Official..I can 'tell' I have no 'tone'."
Little man puts strange thingie near connection..... "the fault is 167 meters away" [that's about 500 feet].
"Oh, poo...and I'm the ONLY person affected?"
"Yup...happens."...He goes off...comes back a half hour later..."Try now".
Ah, the phone's a phone again, not just a curiously shaped hunk of plastic...At least there's no charge.
Friday....dentist....filling...[did I mention one had fallen out on that first Wednesday? Probably not].
Monday...and my wife's brother's mother-in-law succumbs to Cancer, [Funeral Friday]. It happens....I believe it's 1 in 3 people will die from cancer, and the other 2 will know someone who will...
Wednesday...[naturally, there's a pattern]...I log onto DeviantART and am greeted by a 'new user' who has somewhat 'modified' my photo and nick...let's just say it's all about the 'C' word.
Just another demonstration of a need for policy reform and abuse handling on Devart.
Jark saves the day [thanks, mate] and normalcy is restored....[well, it's now Thursday, so it's gotta be better than it was].
I can't help looking furtively around at my surroundings, wondering which inanimate object is going to launch an uprising next...which curve ball from left field will rear its ugly head andgrab me by the short and curlies and kick my dunny down....
Probably this darned 'submit' button....I'll push it, and it'll fall into the workings of the GUI and I'll be staring at a BSOD....
Nah....
It's not Wednesday...
