I am so sorry for your loss. I had a cat about 10 years who got sick and died suddenly, all in the space of two weeks. I was up all night with him before he died, and he died in my arms next morning.I was so devastated! You can't truly ever replace them you know, but I now have two Bengals that I love with all my heart as well. But I've never forgotten my Beardsley....
Give yourself time and permission to grieve, and please take care of yourself.