Reply #26 December 14, 2002 12:49 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my
fish burger and I realize, Oh my God.... I could be eating a slow
learner." - Lynda Montgomery

Reply #27 December 14, 2002 12:50 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

Reply #28 December 14, 2002 12:51 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would
be dead." -Johnny Carson

Reply #29 December 14, 2002 12:52 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Good judgment comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

Reply #30 December 14, 2002 12:54 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the
lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to
teach you how to swim."' - Paula Poundstone

Reply #31 December 14, 2002 12:55 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

A closed mouth gathers no foot.

Reply #32 December 14, 2002 12:57 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

My flu tummy hurts from laughing!

Reply #33 December 14, 2002 12:59 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a
look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of
that!'" - Dave Barry

Reply #34 December 14, 2002 12:59 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Diplomacy is the art of saying "good doggie" while looking for a bigger stick.

Reply #35 December 14, 2002 1:01 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"It won't get weird baby..."

"It got weird didn't it?" Austin Powers

Reply #36 December 14, 2002 1:02 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Or should I have said...

Quoth, "DOCTOR EVIL" hehe

Reply #37 December 14, 2002 1:03 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Y"ou can give aman a fish, he eats for a day, you teach a man to fish he eats for the rest of his life, unless he is in the middle of a desert in that case he is going to die"

Reply #38 December 14, 2002 1:04 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and
that's the law." - Jerry Seinfeld

Reply #39 December 14, 2002 1:04 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Duct tape is like the force, it has a light side and a dark side and it holds the universe together

Reply #40 December 14, 2002 1:06 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal
skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: Duh."
- Conan O'Brien

Reply #41 December 14, 2002 1:07 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works

Reply #42 December 14, 2002 1:08 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"Quote-aholics-anonymous"= For those who can't stop sipping from the cup of quip.

Reply #43 December 14, 2002 1:09 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Reply #44 December 14, 2002 1:10 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with
a riding vacuum cleaner." - Roseanne

Reply #45 December 14, 2002 1:12 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups

Reply #46 December 14, 2002 1:14 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

I dunno if the quotes are funny or if my fever is too high...

Oops. That's "my quote" hehe

Reply #47 December 14, 2002 1:14 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York
said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't
cold enough. Let's go west.'" - Richard Jeni

Reply #48 December 14, 2002 1:15 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Tact is the ability to tell him to go to hell and have him be happy to be on his way

Reply #49 December 14, 2002 1:22 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez

Reply #50 December 14, 2002 1:24 AM from WinCustomize Forums Top

Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.