Okay, all this laughter aside... 
I can understand that you don't want to have several of these programs on your system. Well, in this case it is possible to install Impule, don't allow it to auto-start, only start it if you wish to check for updates, then shut it down again. See it like an Elemental-Update program, especially as it doesn't have to run if you play Elemental.
Hope this helps 
Ciao,
Klaus
PS: I hate Steam, and refuse it on my system, which I prefer to be clean and correspondingly fast...