If you ask a woman what she really thinks does she ever tell you the truth?

I enjoyed my job as jobs go.

Window by Iben.

A farmer got pulled over by a cop for speeding

and the cop started to lecture the farmer

about his speed and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable.

Finally, the cop got around to writing out the ticket and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.

The farmer said, "Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?"

The cop stopped writing the ticket and said

"Well yeah, if that's what they are-- I never heard of circle flies".

So the farmer says "Well, circle flies are common on farms.

See, they're called circle flies because

they're almost always found circling around a horses a r s e."

The cop says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket.

Then after a minute he stops and says,

"Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me an a r s e?"

The farmer says, "Oh no, officer.

I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horses a r s e."

The cop says "Well, that's a good thing," and goes back to writing the ticket.

After a long pause, the farmer says,

" Hard to fool them circle flies though. "

“Today I dialed a wrong number… The other person said, “Hello?” and I said, “Hello, could I speak to Joey?”… They said, “Uh… I don’t think so…he’s only 2 months old.” I said, “I’ll wait.”

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If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

LOL@Seth!

A new years message:

Screwed, glued and tattooed.

Get a hobby before it is to late.

Every time you think to call your girl friend and are about to call, the phone rings and it is your girl friend calling you.

During the call she complains that you never call her. 

It's past midnight pumpkin.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted my baby and me!”

The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Don't worry, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

On a clear day I can see things 100 miles away, on a clear night I can see things 6 quadrillion miles away.

An old man was kneeling at a headstone and was weeping, "Why did you have to die? My life has been hell every day. Sometimes I want to end it all!".

A young guy stopped and asked the old man, "Who died, gramps?"

"My wife's first husband."