A single middle-aged man goes to Hong Kong for vacation. While he is there he has relations with a woman of the evening. Two weeks after coming home he noticed his dick has turned black. He goes to the doctor and the doctor examines him and asks.  have you been in Hong Kong lately? He answered yes.  the doctor then asked were you with anybody? He answers yes. The doctor tells him I'm sorry to tell you this but you have what they are calling Hong Kong Dong.  the only known cure is amputation. He pleads with the doctor and says there must be something else.  the doctor apologizes again and says there is no known cure amputation is the only way.  again he pleads and the doctor tells him. Perhaps if you go back to Hong Kong and see their doctors the disease originated  there they may have something. So he goes back to Hong Kong and makes an appointment with the doctor.  the doctor examines him and tell him yes you have Hong Kong Dong. The man tells the Hong Kong doctor the American doctors have said the only cure is amputation. The Hong Kong doctor laughs and says, American doctors all they want to do is operate make money make money operate, you no worry in 2 or 3 weeks it'll fall off all by itself.

Attorney:  Are you sexually active?

Witness: No, I just lie there.

Attorney: Now doctor, before you performed the autopsy did you check for a pulse?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: Did you check for breathing?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: Did you check for blood pressure?

Doctor: No.

Attorney: So, is it possible that the patient was alive at the time?

Doctor No.

Attorney: How can you be so sure when you did not check first?

Doctor: Because his brain was sitting in a jar on my desk.

Attorney: I see.  But is it possible that the patient was alive, nevertheless?

Doctor:  Well, I suppose it's possible he could have still been practicing law.

Dude is right.  Beer good.

"Give it to me! Give it to me!" she yelled. "I'm so wet, give it to me now!" She could scream all she wanted, but I was keeping the umbrella.

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running eight miles. Who the hell runs eight miles in 30 seconds?

@RnD...LMAO! 🤣

Little boy says to a little girl! I have got something that you have not.
She asks what it is so he drops his pants and shows her.
She walks away crying.

Next day they meet again and she is all smiles and laughing.
He asks her why she is so happy.
She says she talked to her mother and she said that with what I have got I can have as many of them as I want.

What is the best way to break up with your girlfriend?

Tell her the sex is boring and you want her to bring a friend.  One of two things will happen. 

A] She'll get mad at you and break up with you.

Or

B] She'll bring a friend in that case she's worth going out with a little while longer. 😉

What kind of chips and cheese aren't yours?

............

NAH-CHOS!

“Hi Max. This is Jim, your next door neighbor.
I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face.
When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you.
I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great.
I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me, Jim"

Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Jim dead.
He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa.

Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Jim.

SECOND TEXT MESSAGE :
"Hi, Max. Jim here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text.
I assume you figured it out and noticed that the darned Spell-Check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife."
Technology, huh? It'll be the death of us all.”