Loukeeya! My Dear Dear Friend! Have been searching for you and hope you read this. I never forgot about the trial and have worried so much about you. Thanks to Google I found you here and finally learned the full story of your horrible ordeal.
Correction, I did learn a lot from another forum you posted to but looked like you'd lost contact there.
Being so far away in the USA plus being an invalid I don't know how much help I can be to you, but hopefully my sincere affection will come across and be a little help and soothing to your soul.
Babe, whenever you become overwhelmed by the pain, remember what I am going to say here. Maybe my words will do a bit to help you realize that horrid person did not really damage your beautiful soul. In fact, you are a saint because you turned your suffering into love for others. You never (that I could see) wallowed in self-pity to the point where you lost your compassion for others. In fact I feel as though because you were suffering you did all you could to help others be happy. I imagine you think I'm just saying these things to make you feel better, but look back at things I've written to you before I ever knew about your trauma. I was always singing your praises and thanking you for helping me.
I know pain, Sweetheart, slowly losing the ability to live my life plus being close to death too many times. So I know a good person who loves others despite her pain when I see her.
Oh, I can't say all I want to say here because this isn't the right place. Please get in touch with me unless you just do not have energy to give to me. I don't want to hurt you by my wanting to be in touch.
I'll be here for you no matter what.