Thank you for the kind sentiment, it is appreciated.  However, I am fine now and I have fully healed, both physically and emotionally and I'm coping well with life and what it throws at me. 

I won't say that I'm mentally together, though.   I Know that I'm a bit of a nut job with a few screws loose, but I'll blame that on the tap on the head.

Yeah, one was fitted after I complained about water on the brain.

Anyway....

Now this is not something they should be withholding from you.  It's not like you're asking for an address so you can send around a hitman, so the police should at least give you some kind of assurance that he is not in a position to do further harm to anyone.  Therefore, if I were you, I would calmly and politely be seeking answers: that at least, if he is not imprisoned, that he is not living locally and is in no position whatsoever to make contact with you. 

The police owe you that much.  If, however, the police are not forthcoming, perhaps the prosecutor is the person to ask... given that you are his witness and your peace of mind is imperative to the case.  I don't know how the law works in the UK anymore because I've not been there for over 40 years now, but I'm trying to offer some assistance based on Australian law, which is still very similar.  Hopefully I've given you some helpful thoughts here.

Given the circumstances, I think you have a more than valid reason not to be pressured by them to find work... and certainly not in a profession such as nursing, where patient care could adversely be affected by your distracted state of mind.  Work at some point would be therapeutic and beneficial, but at this time I believe your primary goal should be taking care of yourself, preparing for the upcoming court case, seeing justice done, then healing so you are feeling good within yourself and are better equipped to be gainfully employed.

This is quite understandable and quite expected in the circumstance.  However, you can take some control by seeking those answers, if not from the police, then the prosecutor.  I also suggest that  you speak with your doctor, not necessarily to seek medication, but to speak of your fears, concerns and difficulties.  Your doctor may suggest a course of medication to assist you through the most difficult times, but just speaking with somebody such as a doctor face to face can and should lift a whole load off your shoulders.

Just remember, chin up, okay. You are in my thoughts. 

well the police are now coming on thurs, i hope they will b able to answer my questions and reassure me he is not a danger to me. they did tell me b4 that i was safe, but i dont feel it.

if only we cld buy strength and courage from a shop - i am dealing with each day as it comes, i have told my doctor that i am having thoughts of ending it-he has referred me 2 a counsellor. am trying to focus ahead and think about re-building my life. my friends near me and here have been a comfort. just need to get thru the next stage and do my best 

Glad you took our advice. The very fact you are thinking about rebuilding suggests you've excluded harming yourself.

I've got the flu, so I won't be around much. Good luck with all this, and realize it will come to an end with his imprisonment.

Right on, Karen, that's exactly right.  I had to rebuild after I was assaulted, but that pales in comparison to what Lou was and still is confronted with, and that is why I have such respect and admiration for her. 

And Lou, don't let anyone tell you any different.  Like I said earlier in the piece, your courage is immeasurable because you fought through the adversity and continue to fight to rebuild your life.  It is an achievement that took strength, determination and guts, so be proud and hold your head up high.

Peace and love be with you , Loukeeya, peace and love

You'll be just fine.

today i have been so angry, i dont often get angry but i am well and truly angry. am not angry at the situation but i am abgry at my council housing office. for 8 yrs my bathroom ceiling been falling down, when its raining i have to use an umbrella to have a bath! i got so angry today and took photos and am gonna shame them-i reported it in 2001/2 and they sent some workman round to fix the window, i pointed to the hole in the ceiling and said what window? have heard nothing since despite writing and phoning so now i have had enough. they let me down 20 yrs ago by not moving me to safety, now they think its ok to let me live here with a ceiling that cld crash down on me at anytime.

ok, i am avoiding coz the police coming 2moro but its giving me something else to focus on

Anger can be a good thing if you can focus it on the area it needs to be and it doesn't get out of control.  If you remain in control and your anger drives you to resolve issues that need fixing, then it is a positive thing.  And in your situation, Lou, it is a good thing to have a distraction to focus on besides the immediate.  So yeah, you shame the bastards and fight to get your ceiling fixed.

One thing I don't get, though, if you're in the bath and already wet, why do you need an umbrella????

Oh, and do you know what I do when I'm angry, which is usually when I can't get my puter to do something I want it to? 

I let off a great big exceedingly long chain of f-word and b-word expletives, mixed with a load of "damn and bugger its", until I run short of breath. 

After that I always feel much better and can focus better, having let off a load steam. 

http://img823.imageshack.us/g/spa0515.jpg/

Yeah, I guessed it'd be something to do with bits of ceiling falling on you.... but hey, the idea was to get you to laugh a bit, and the grinning smiley suggests I may have succeeded.   It's said that laughter is the best medicine, so I hope so.

Yeah, that's pretty disgusting orright.  If I had an issue like that I'd sure as hell jack up paying rent until it was fixed.  And it's council housing?  I'd be publicly shaming that authority quick smartly.... in the newspapers, on TV... even if I had to stand stark bollock naked between two billboard in the middle of Piccadilly Circus at peak hour.

starkers u did make me smile, even i have to chuckle when i picture myself having a very quick bath clutching an umbrella.

well, a quick update on the other matter. i am the only victim according to the police and the dna results. the officers are now going round the country going over statements from the original police team and police doctor plus my former bf and flatmate. reading the statement again was just awful, i had blocked out so much of the details-it made me sick to my stomach. but i am determined to see it thru even tho they tell me it cld b nxt summer b4 a trial.

here i am again, back in despair. today i saw my specialist officer to go over the statement from 20 yrs ago. i cringed with shame reading it, i had said the most stupid things so have to explain why i said what i said. i am totally exhausted and panic attacks becoming more frequent, i got home today and i just wished i could die. my friends say b strong, i have tried but i just cant seem to get past the horror and shame and guilt. i just want some peace. i am isolated, no phone, no credit on mobile and internet payg will go by 2moro. benefit ppl not paid me since last wed so no food either which is not helping. it all just seems to be more stress, the bathroom, the rape, no money and me feeling like i am gonna explode

hi guys

just an update really

yesterday morn i had to re-go over final statements which was fairly upsetting but dont. the last few days have been really traumatic and i told my special officer i was scared i was gonna hurt myself or worse. i went to local a%e and they were so kind and compassionate-i have never in my life experienced that but omg it was so nice. i was treated by staff who were sensitive and kind (some of whom i knew coz i worked with them) and have been given proper help finally.

a mental health teal are looking after me at home, they gonna visit 2 times a day over nxt 3 months then continue support. its just the pain of what happened and reliving it constantly just got too much to bear.

already today thanx to these good ppl the council are coming to sort my bayhroom out. am having 5,67 or more baths a day coz i feel dirty - its why its important the bathroom fixed. when i was in a&e distraught the dept sister just hugged me, it was so nice just to be held.

so i know its not all gonna go away but at least now i know i have ppl to help me who really care

loukeeya x

Well said.

Hey Lou ... when all this is done how about we all go down to the local gin mill, toss back a few and let starkers regale us with his stories on how he single-handedly beat back the Alien invasion with one mighty blow.

Peace and a new better beginning. Never forget ... we, all of us here, are rooting for you.