Hence why we never upgrade it fully, the hit your fleet takes is just too great.
Personally, I never leave starbases unupgraded. There are lots of capital ships that can solo an unupgraded (or even lightly upgraded) starbase, and I simply don't find them worthwhile unless you plan to turn them into real fortresses with repair platforms and some fleet support. The idea is to lock down key locations to hamper enemy movement and block their advances and retreats. You may sacrifice a lot of fleet to do this, but if you play the position well it can be extremely effective.
Anyways, the point is that someone who invests in starbases is going to have a reduced fleet level. Sometimes this is a great tradeoff, sometimes it's a horrible one, but starbases add a lot of option to the game. Without them, you have virtually no defensive recourse and the game is all about fleet power.
1800 times 8 credits
Very few people fully upgrade starbases. Usually I put 3-4 on my starbases and leave it at that. The first few upgrades drastically increase the starbase's potential. A single hull upgrade more than doubles its durability, a single weapons upgrade doubles its damage output... so a single hull and weapons upgrade basically increases this thing's combat power by a factor of four, but only costs a factor of two. Beyond that, though, you get diminishing returns, which is why most people stop around 4. It doesn't make sense past that point to throw more eggs into one basket.
As for investing in a single gravity well, remember that starbases can impact events outside of their range of influence. The most obvious effect is it prevents enemies from pursuing retreating units once they reach the starbase's influence, but more importantly it prevents enemies from passing through the gravity well, blocking both attack and retreat paths, while giving your own forces fair use of these routes. This can enable you to outmaneuver an enemy if you place the starbase at a critical junction. It doesn't stop the enemy from running past a starbase, but losing all your antimatter and 20% of your hull points is a pretty big deal if your own forces are nearby to punish them for this.
That's what I keep saying. Keep out of range and use bombers. I guess next time I'll try to see if I can show it to him instead of just telling him.
That would be best. One thing you can do to make it even more effective is to set your bombers to "hold ground" mode and just give them an order to move next to the starbase. They will sit there and attack it like a regular frigate (but it still can't attack them back) without any of their usual attack run behavior, and this usually results in higher overall damage output. Just make sure to set them back to normal move behavior afterwards.
By the way, the best way to counter someone who is doing this with bombers is to do the same thing, only with fighters. Park them right next to those stationary bombers and watch them fry.